goodbye

onyxfoxeyes

Hey everyone. I havent posted in a while because I was really nervous about my pregnancy and everyone seemed to be miscarrying or missed misscarrying. So I told myself to just fricken relax. Focus on reading books on stuff other then babies, and wait for my 3 month mark.

Well, Friday was the 2nd half of my first appointment. I guess they do this so that the first appointment isn't an hour and a half long. I was 9 weeks 2 days. The midwife told me my blood levels were great, my genetic info looked okay, and gave me tons of packets and info about my pregnancy. I told her my nausea had up and left 36 hours prior. She waved away my concern and said "well then we'll just throw you on the ultrasound machine to see that heartbeat! Put your mind at ease!".

Well, there was no heartbeat. Baby had passed away what looked like 48 hours prior. I scheduled my d and c for the next day and spent almost the whole day in the hospital. I did get a second opinion and a second ultrasound at the hospital prior to the procedure.

I am 23 yrs old, healthy, this was my first pregnancy, I lost my father in June 2 weeks after my wedding. This year has been full of loss. The worst part about it for me now that I've processed it, is how devestated my husband is. All I want to do is take away his pain.

I thought about you guys when I got home yesterday. A percentage of us was fated for miscarriage. I am part of that percent, which means hopefully your chance of miscarriage just went down. I wish you all a happy and healthy 8 months.