I just wanted to say

November3Love

Thank you. To you all. For letting me vent & b!tch & complain again & again. Also, thank you for all of your apologies, though they really weren't necessary. I appreciate them. 

I decided to share that with you all in hopes that it will give a better understanding as to where I am coming from. I felt that my position was not unfounded or unjustified. I needed a place where I could just let it all out; a place I wouldn't be judged or have my true feelings be thrown back in my face because someone didn't agree or didn't like a word I used or something trivial.

When it came to my mother, it goes back 27 years (my lifetime). With my MIL, it goes back going on 7 years (the lifetime of DH & my relationship). It's complicated, obviously. 

It's just difficult to deal with their two similar personalities. They are both very domineering women; leaders in their households. They both are very intimidating & have been known to have an 'air of entitlement' (as it was said to me). Both have a passive-aggressive approach (sometimes just flat out aggressive, too). They have both rarely, very rarely, been told 'No.' & when compromising was on the table the compromise was met with threats (We either do things how I want, or we just won't do them... which is really not even a true compromise). Neither have apologized for any wrongdoing, though I have apologized to them both multiple times on multiple occasions. They have both deemed themselves untrustworthy, from where I stand, in that they have taken that which I have confided in them & turned it against me/ thrown it back in my face. Both have taken things they have either given or purchased & used those as if they were bargaining chips, which I don't agree with: a gift, if it is genuine, comes without strings. You can't say you want to do something for someone & then take that & hold it against someone later.

Having gone through all that I have, it's difficult for me to assert myself. When I became pregnant, I found that I had to, if I was going to do as I said I would: be & give my family better. I felt that in order to do that, I had to establish the boundaries, which I had never done before. I knew it was going to be tough, but I didn't realize to what degree it would be. I am not claiming complete innocence here. I know I am guilty of being a bit rude & abrasive & some could call it just mean. I know that there are certain times & in certain situations in life you have to take off the Kid Gloves & I felt this was one of them. I felt like I was being disrespected & my positions were being dismissed & even my authority in my own home was being undermined. I felt like I was being told "Shut up & Sit down!" when all I was doing was standing up for what I wanted for myself & my family.

For me, it all comes down to Respect. I have an old school way of thinking: You start out with 100% of my respect for you & it's up to you if it stays there. Your actions determine if it falls. It is your responsibility to uphold your end of the relationship. I am one of those people who believes that you're only as good as your word. If you say "I respect you" then your actions will either support your claim or disprove it. I have found, in both cases & much to my own heart's discontent, both my mom & MIL have exhibited behaviors that disprove that claim. I am a private person who doesn't like to let everyone on in, but in the event that you are given such access, I take it very personal in the event you take that opportunity to inflict pain & hurt, not only on me, but those I love. I'm the type of person to avoid confrontation at any cost (even if it means I must compromise myself) & I have had my fill on doing that.

In the event that you are still with me here... I know it's long, sorry! ... just know that I really do appreciate having this outlet. I appreciate you all hanging in there with me. It's been a lot. They say when it rains, it pours. I'll be d@mned if they weren't right.

Again: Thank you.