I'm terrified

DivingIn

Hi all. This is my first time posting. I'm pregnant and scared. I'm not sure what I'm looking for on an Internet message board, maybe a little support or words of how you did it.

I've always wanted to be a mom and I figured I'd take to pregnancy as easily as my mom did. My boyfriend and I have been discussing marriage and kids for a year now. We've been together about two years and we've lived together the last year. A few months ago, we started having communication issues and fighting frequently and it would escalate into screaming matches. We both agreed we should try to maintain our relationship but move to separate homes to get some space. We've always really loved each other but the fighting was too much. As our one year lease was up, we started packing. He was going to find an apartment down the street and I was going to share a two bedroom with a friend. To add to the stress, I got laid off from my job of three years a couple of weeks ago. I work in IT so I think I'll be able to find another job soon but it might take some time.

My boyfriend has always been very loving and supportive. We found out I was pregnant literally a few days before we moved out. He went out and got me a pile of pregnancy tests, called our landlord and told her we were staying and then called his new landlord and let her know he needed to cancel his move, thankfully he hadn't signed anything. He and I are both thrilled and really excited and planning to get married sometime after the baby is born, we'd like to have a wedding in Hawaii. 

Everything has been so crazy and stressful. From losing my job, putting notice on our apartment, getting ready to move and place distance between my boyfriend and I, and then finding out we're pregnant, all in a three week span, it's like life has taken a 180. BF really doesn't want me to work, his mom didn't work, and he has a good job where he could support us without me working. I'm 26 and he is 33 and hes always wanted a family too, it's a priority for him. I feel kind of useless not working, my mom was always the breadwinner at home. Another thing is my mom, she's not here, she lives on the other side of the country and I'm sure she'll be here for the birth but I wish she could be here with me. Neither my parents nor BFs parents have grand kids, this will be their first. I think my mom wishes she were here with me too. BFs mom is great and I'm glad she's here and we get along. I'm worried how they will take the news as they knew we were about to move out.

 Oh man. Ive never been so sick. I can't keep anything down. I have my first dr appt on Monday, I'm estimating I'm 7 or 8 weeks. I'm going to talk to him about the nausea. I just feel overwhelmed and scared right now. I'm not ready but I am ready to dive in. Does that make sense? I keep watching the birth shows on TLC and they are totally freaking me out. I'm half convinced my baby will have a major problem or the pregnancy or delivery will be overwhelming or I'll have some other tragedy.

 

So yeah. That's how I feel. Terrified. Any advice is welcome.