Rant... sometimes it feels like I'm the only one left (long)

victoria+james

I just need to write this down before DH gets home and I take it out on him. I hope that like most of my rants, when I finish it will all seem so silly to be upset over.

Every one of my friends has a baby... no really, every single one. I figured this out today while I was scrolling through my contacts on my phone and they all have their children's faces or baby bumps pictured. In fact, we're beginning to go around for baby number 2 for each of them now ...ok, well there are 3 that don't have baby pics up... but one of them just gave birth 2 days ago, so give her a moment. One is dating a verbally abusive @$$wipe and the last is my sister (although she is having a possible pregnancy scare as we speak so the jury is still out).

When we were all in school together I was the only one that wanted children at all and now I'm the only one without! I feel bad saying it, but it makes me hate them all just a little. And worse it makes me furious with DH because I know that we are better off financially and have a more stable and loving relationship than 99% of them!

I worry that the way I feel will take a toll on mine and DH's relationship. I worry that if I were to accidentally get pregnant that he might think I did it on purpose and would always doubt me afterwards. And lastly, I'm scared that even if I wait until our "talk about maybe TTC date" that he may still not be ready.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to do this without him onboard. But sometimes it feels like he may never be.