"Do you really want to be a single parent?"

AutumnBride81

Hi ladies. I've been lurking for awhile, and I think you are such a resilient, strong, amazing bunch of women. I decided to post today because I am seeking a sympathetic ear, and feeling really low.

My son was born in August 2010 and is the light of my life. My DH was a super disappointing dad and husband for the first 20 months of DS's life. Totally not supportive of me, and pretty disconnected from our little boy. It was the hardest 20 months of my life as I essentially raised DS by myself and worked full time. A few weeks ago, I told him I wasn't in love with him anymore and asked him to move out for awhile. This seemed to be a huge reality check for him and he suddenly agreed to go to counseling and started being the man he should have been a long time ago. I feel like all of it is too little, too late. I can't get any feelings of love back for him despite all of his effort.

When I was unhappy and wanted some time apart, my friends and family were totally supportive, and told me to ask for what I needed. Now that I did, and I'm discussing ending my marriage, I'm getting a lot of "are you sure you want to be a single parent?" type questions and it's just so frustrating. I don't know what to do. In my gut I know I can't stay with someone I don't love forever, but on the other hand, I really want my son to grow up in a home with two happy parents. For the two weeks that we were apart before DH insisted on moving back in, I was so peaceful, happy and relaxed. I know it would be difficult at times if we were to separate, but I also know I could do it. I feel guilty, though, about my marriage ending, not over anything huge, but because I can't fall back in love with my husband.

I don't know. Just having a bad day and would appreciate the wisdom of anyone who would like to chime in. Thank you.