don't know how much more i can take

jewelsonu

i really think i am reaching my breaking point.  I know i should be thankful for my wonderful husband and kids and that none of us are sick and we have a roof over our heads and I am. I really am...

but how much can one family go through.  Dh is still unemployed.  He hasn't had a interview since november. he is applying everyday and never hears a thing.  then there are rumors at work about my position being cut or a huge paycut.  we are getting by now but with a paycut we can't live.  plus i think dh's unemployment is going to run out in march.  it's not fair that other people can get 99 weeks of unemployment and he can't. If all of this happens I don't know what we will do. there wouldn't be a point of staying here anymore.  I don't want to go through the process of selling the house. I would just like to hand the keys over to the bank.  I don't have the time or energy or help to get our house ready to show. plus to have to keep it perfectly clean on a daily basis. never going to happen with 2 toddlers and 2 dogs.

worst case scenario we would have to move in with my parents and that is embarrassing.  I would have to either put my dogs to sleep or give them up for adoption.  we can't have 4 dogs that don't get along in my parents little house. i feel like such a failure.  this isn't how I imagined my life would be.  i wanted more. i wanted better.  at least the kids are so young they wouldn't know what was going on other than they would see their grandparents and cousins.

i wish i could go back to that day when i was told my position was being eliminated and i could move to buffalo and take over the region once it was developed.   i wish i didn't feel loyalty at that timeto a company that would screw my dh 8 months later and me a year after that.  I wish i could have know that getting that stupid bonus would end up costing me more than i ever knew

i'm sorry for venting and i may dd but i just need to  get it off of my chest