Tmi... Three weeks pp and it kills to poop!

OurJellybean

When I delivered vaginally I remember not even being able to focus on my lo cuz my anus stung sooo bad, they gave me morphine pOstparum and that seemed to fix it. The first week I had regular bowel movements that were normal but at two weeks to now (3 weeks) I fear going cuz it hurts Soooo bad like it's ripping or stabbing when I go. I had lots of fresh blood too. I don't feel any hemorrhoids which is what I first thougsht but I bought cream anyways and it's done nothing. I'm at a loss and I can't take the pain. I use fo go a few times a day nd now its once every 2-3 days. I have been taking stool softeners and drinking water with no help. I still have three weeks till I see my doc and I don't have a family doc. This happen to anyone else? Could the he hemmorhoids be internal?