Need advice... how to dump my baby's father... sorry LONG!

gy86

I apologize in advance as this will be a long post.  But I'm not really sure who to turn to regarding this subject.

I've been good friends and on/off partners with my baby's father.  Though we've cohabited in the past, basically a year or so ago I realized he is more of a PITA to have as a household member than he was saving me in rent.  We stayed "together" as a couple, but stopped living together last July -- I got my own place, and he moved in to a room in his uncle's house.  Basically I was (and still am) unwilling to live with him until he gets his adult priorities straight, finishes school, and demonstrates base-level fiscal responsibilty (i.e. rent is due on the first, not "here's $100 for now; you'll get the rest later.)  Weelllll, then I got pregnant.

I'm not here to debate whether or not I should have had an abortion... I'm a college graduate with full-time career employment, no credit card debt, etc -- basically in an okay spot emotionally and financially, and I felt that I had the means to take care of a dependent child.  Plus the baby's two months old so TOO LATE FOR THAT.  But pretty much when I got pregnant, I approached the situation from the standpoint of a single parent.  I didn't want to welcome him back into my home simply because he knocked me up... that would have resulted in me taking care of two children, not one.  :-/  That being said, he did express a desire to be "involved and supportive," and we are on good terms.  So I guess we'd still be considered "together."  Problem is, I don't really want that.

Though I have the end result of what was once a physical attraction to each other, I'm hardly attracted to him at all anymore.  Actually, as bad as this sounds, if I recall correctly my darling baby girl was acutally a "Thanks for watching my dog for the weekend while I was up hiking in Sedona with my girlfriends."  I've known for a while that we were in different places maturity-wise and just have fundamentally different priorities in life.  I want to have a meaningful career, plan for the future, and enjoy healthful years with my daughter.... he wants to modify his car engine so it goes fast and work just enough to sustain his tobacco addiction.   

Our baby lives with me full-time, and her dad comes to visit after work usually once, maybe twice a week (when it's convenient for him) for an hour or two.  I do all the baby care, schlepping to/from daycare, etc.  He contributes financially and is interested in having a role in his daughter's life, and that's 100% fine by me.  But after six years, I just don't see us having a future together where we're in a husband/wife/life partner type of scenario and I am still able to advance emotionally, intellectually, etc.  Obviously he will remain a part of my life since he's the father of my child, but I know I deserve to be with someone who I find stimulating, who doesn't need an explanation as to why I want to buy organic foods versus mountain dew and doritos, who has ambitions and career goals instead of just a job.... *sigh* I guess I have pretty high expectations.

I feel like the longer I remain "with" him out of convenience, or simply not actively looking for anyone else, the harder it will be for me to find a quality man.  I already know it's going to be hard since I'm 25 with a kid.  Plus, he's been one of my best friends for years, and that relationship won't just disappear overnight because I wish it would.  I feel horrible that here I am, just two months postpartum, and I am trying to formulate breakup plans.  Honestly, it would be easier if he'd hit me or smoked crack in front of the baby as that would make it a black-and-white no brainer type of situation.  It's not that he's DONE anything... despite my complaints about his [lack of] household management skills or maturity level, he's a good guy... Just not one that I want to regret staying with for too long.  I figure I ought to try and end things while we're still civil to one another... just don't even know how to begin.