Interesting facts Re: Abusive partners (article)

beccaga16

Myth -- Fathers who fight for custody of their children are likely doing so because they are their children's primary caregivers.  

Fact: "Abusive fathers are far more likely than nonabusive parents to fight for child custody, not pay child support, and kidnap children."

White, Ann C., The Florida Bar Journal, Vol LXVIII, No. 9, citing Hansen, Marsali, and Michele Harway, Battering and Family Therapy 175 (1993); Grieg, Geoffrey L. and Rebecca Hegar, "Parents Whose Children Are Abducted by the Other Parent: Implications for Treatment," 19 American Journal of Family Therapy 215, 221 (1991); Zorza Joan, "Protection for Battered Women and Children," 27 Clearing House Rev. 1437 (1994).

Fact: "Since batterers know that nothing will devastate the victim more than seeing her children endangered, they frequently use the threat of obtaining custody to exact agreements to their liking. Custody litigation becomes yet another weapon for the abuser, heightening his power and control tactics to further terrify the victim."

See Hart, "Family Violence and Custody Orders," 43(4) Juv. & Fam. Ct. J. 29, 33-34 (1992); Saunders, "Child Custody Decisions in Families Experiencing Woman Abuse," 39 Social Work 51, 53 (1994), as cited in Hart and Hofford, "Child Custody," in A Lawyer's Handbook, supra, note 12 at 5-1; Cahn, "Civil Images of Battered Women: The Impact of Domestic Violence on Child Custody Decisions," 44 Vanderbilt L.Rev. 1041 (1991). http://www.cobar.org/tcl/1999/october/obstacles.htm

Fact: "Contrary to popular belief, fathers who gain custody were not necessarily interested or involved in taking care of children prior to marriage... no evidence was found to suggest that fathers with custody were very involved with their children during the early stages of the child's life. For the group of single fathers interviewed, the level of involvement during their children's early years was not extraordinary. Some support or mixed support was found for the myth that single fathers were very involved with their children near the end of the marriage, which is why they gain custody, and for the myth that these marriages end on more unusual notes than most marriages. Finally, the idea that the father gained custody because the mother was emotionally incompetent is simply not true."

Greif, G. L. (1990). Ten myths about the fathers' childhoods, marriages, and custody arrangements. In The daddy track and the single father (pp. 23-43). Lexington, MA: Lexington Books.

Fact: "[M]any men who initiate custody and access challenges through the family law court system do so in order to harass or maintain control over their ex-spouses."

The National Association of Women and the Law, "Custody and Access: A NAWL Brief to the Special Joint Committee on Child Custody and Access," March 1998. Also see Terry Arendell, Fathers and Divorce, Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, 1995. Also see Mildred Daley Pagelow, "Effects of Domestic Violence on Children and their Consequences for Custody and Visitation Agreements," Mediation Quarterly, 7(4), 1990 [Battered women are intensely fearful of losing custody, while men who batter feel they have nothing to lose by using custody as a bargaining tactic.]

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Remeber ladies an abusive man will not change just because you leave. Do not give in to their threats. Do not let them scare you anymore!

I am going through this right now. My X is dragging out our divorce to maintain control. BE STRONG! You can get through this.