is this a battle worth fighting?

mdotm0904

i've posted here a couple of times before and think i may have even brought this up a few months back but things kinda changed slightly so thought i'd ask again. my ex (boyfriend) & i have come to a place where we can try to move forward to have a peaceful co-parenting relationship once my daughter gets here (which is all i ever wanted).

However, there's one thing we have constantly been fighting about, what my daughter's last name will be. i want to give her my last name. he's mentioned terminating his parental rights or just not signing off on the birth certificate if she doesn't have his name. But says that he truly wants to be a part of her life just like with his other kids. but in order to do that she needs to have his last name. i asked about hyphenation because i feel like that's the only fair way to compromise. again he still says no.

i grew up not having the same last name as my mom. and honestly as a child, it bothered me.it might not be a big deal to some, but it was to me! i never planned on having children out of wedlock (so the name would automatically take care of itself). I didn't think it'd be a big deal to give her my name as it's 2011 & people are breaking traditon all over. But most of my family & friends are under the impression that a child should have the father's last name. and that it's not fair to take that "right" away from a father.  

i don't think i'm being spiteful or unfair by wanting to give her my name (or both of our names). he says i picked the first & middle names, the least he could do is get the last name. i told him that i'm not opposed to changing it down the line (AFTER he's proven himself to be a good father to her! i know it'll be easier to change her name to his from mine as opposed to the other way around because he can contest it) But he wants it his way from the jump.

I guess i'm just having a hard time understanding WHY he won't compromise. if it's a male ego thing i feel like that needs to be put to the side if it's supposed to be about the child. And i don't think this has to be a "someone wins, someone loses" battle...there are compromisable options! And who walks away from their child just because of what her name is (or isn't?). 

A part of me wants to stick with my original plan of giving her my name and just dealing with whatever ramifications may come from it in the future. But i'm not sure if that's just me not thinking this all the way through.  

So i'm wondering am i picking the wrong battles to fight? should i give her his name & be done with it? I know that I'll love her regardless of what her name is, but this is something that's really important to me.