Have been lurking...now joining.

lhakers

We all have had or have dreams of what our lives will be like. 

 

A few months ago, out of the blue, literally out of NO WHERE, SO tells me he is not happy, does not want to be with me, hasn?t been happy, and does not know why.  He did not feel like touching me anymore (no sex) and just was not happy. I was completely blind sided and hurt.  He assured me he was always going to be in our daughters? life.  He would take ?responsibility? for that.  Responsibility is NOT asking for a baby and a family, get me pregnant, then decide you aren?t happy.  He has one beautiful 2 1/2 year old little girl who I am very close to and love very much.  He is a wonderful dad every other weekend.  I?m not worried he is not going to love my daughter or not take care of her.  He will.  That, to me, does not make him completely responsible though.

 

He had changed his story a few times to ?I haven?t been happy since before the baby?? to ?I haven?t been happy since you have been pregnant??  So I do not know?nor at this point does it matter to me which it was.

 

A few days passed and he was fine again (bipolar?) and acting not completely the same, but better.  He would continue to talk about things he wanted to do to the house (that we had just bought)?stuff we were going to do together? etc etc? So to me, I was like well maybe he just had an off day.  I then asked him what changed his mind and why he started to be ?normal? again.  He said he still feels the same, better, and trying to work things out, but the same.  All the while he refused to talk about ANYTHING every time I tried to ask him how he felt.  How the hel was I supposed to know how he felt when he didn?t tell me?  Ask?would be the answer to that question.  But, I could not ask anything without getting my head ripped off or told I was being annoying. 

 

This went on for a few months.  He would go out with his friends on the weekends and rather be with other people or doing other things rather than with me.  I do not nor have I ever deserved to be treated the way he has treated me.  He is rude and selfish.  There are plenty more details I can go in to, but this is already way too long.

 

Tuesday, after being in the hospital for bleeding on Monday, I had just had enough.  He didn?t feel like taking care of me, he was still rude, and hateful.  So I told him I cannot wait around wondering when he was going to leave.  I?m not going to ?live in fear? of being left to do things by myself.  So I left.  I wanted it to work, I love him, but I am not going to be with someone who belittles me, is rude to me, and on top of it all doesn?t want to be with me for who knows why.  We have everything? a family, a house, great jobs, each other, what more did he want?  People would LOVE to have the things he has. 

 

But, for some reason it was just not what he wanted.  So, I can?t do it anymore.  I am heartbroken.  It is all still very fresh so I do not think I'm going to feel 100% like...in 5 min. or anythingI think because I feel betrayed, but more so because the dream I had of my perfect little family with husband, wife, babies, house?is currently dead.  I have cried?a lot.  Not so much for someone who doesn?t want to be with me, but because of the grief I have for my lost dream.  I loved having him there, and having someone next to me at night while I slept, but I was in love with the idea of how wonderful everything could be, not how wonderful everything actually was, because it was by no means wonderful.

 

I feel bad that my baby will not have a mom and a dad with her all of the time.  I can be both of those things, and I can do everything I need to and more for my baby.  It just wasn?t what I had dreamed of.  But life is not fair, and we have all been told this a million times.  It just sucks when it slaps you in the face as a reminder.