Custody Issues - Advise Needed

melissa_dematteo

I'm reaching out within in this community of parents to ask for advise and guidance for my present situation.

Here is my story: I have a 7 year old daughter from a previous marriage, he chose to leave the marriage when she was 6 months old. I was granted primary physical custody and he has physical custody with visitation.

 The visitation started out with two days a week for two hours until she was two years old, at that time he started with weekend visits and slowly moved to one overnight every other weekend.

  Overall since she was about 2 1/2 he has consistently had visitation every Tuesday evening for two hours, and every other weekend Friday - Sunday. I have been remarried for five years, we married when my daughter was almost 3. (happens we'd been friends since we were 13 and just happened to reconnect after several years and things just happened) We have built a strong family unit, I have two more children ages 4 and 18 months.

  Everything has continued to stay consistent and fine with my ex, and visitation has remained the same, he never asked for more time previously. In January my husband was offered a promotion which originally had been with relocation out of state. I live in PA and we were asked to move to Chicago.

 I spoke to my ex in regards to the relocation, and he lost it, he was very upset and angry and couldn't believe I would do it. Before we were offered the option to relocate, we were already planning on selling our home, as we were looking for a new larger home in a better school district.

  The relocation never happened, it was withdrew from the table, however we moved in with my in laws and are selling our current home, as we wanted to save a little more money to purchase a home in the school district we wanted and have my daughter start in the new school in the fall of this year, rather than wait any longer. In the mean time, my ex petitioned the court for primary or 50/50 custody of our daughter.

I have tried to speak with him many times saying that a change such as this would be difficult for her, she has lived with me primarily since she was born, to uproot her from her family, and siblings for a 50/50 arrangement is crazy. I've offered several options to him with more time, offering an extended weekend, and three full weeks of the summer vacation.

He has consistently denied everything that I have offered. He is pushing for 50/50. He is pushing for me to attend co parenting classes, he hasn't offered any options to visitation, he is simply pushing to have me agree to a 50/50 arrangement, he is also researching schools as he is trying to push me to have her attend a school closer to him and have me relocate closer to his location.

  We are not open to this location, it is not where we had planned to raise our family, and presently my daughter is enrolled in the new school for the upcoming year. We are scheduled to go to court at the beginning of August, his lawyer is requesting a full day to review his case and bring five witnesses.

 My ex lived with his mother for the past 5 years, he recently bought a home of his own, he is single and does not have any relationships or any other children. 

My daughter has known one way in her life, she has been in a consistent, healthy, secure home life for 7 years, she has a step dad that embraces her as his own, she has two siblings she has shared her life with. I'm so scared that the court would actually state that 50/50 is an option. My lawyer told me the judge assigned to my case is pro 50/50.

I can not fathom that anyone would think completely changing her life would be a benefit. I can not believe her father actually thinks it is better for her to go back and forth like that. We do live in two separate school districts, I'm afraid the court will look at my current situation, living with my in laws while we search for a home as being an option for us to find one closer to him.......

I do not agree to the 50/50, I have been the primary care giver for 7 years of her life, I schedule and take her to all of her appointments, every single activity, schedule her for school, camp, etc. I coordinate everything.

  He has complete access to her school schedule, yet has made no effort until recently to attend even her awards ceremony, claiming I don't tell him when these things occur, but my argument is that I am not his mom, or his wife, he has to do his due diligence to ask about this information, and look it up on the school website if he wants to know about it. I can't deliver everything to his front door. He never asks about any of it, never says, how is her school, does she have anything coming up.

  I'm being scrutinized because I didn't tell him directly, but he has the same access I do to know about it. I just look it up, why do I have to do all the work yet he doesn't have to do anything but say that I should have told him.

  I'm so frustrated, I feel everyone is making me out to be the bad guy, when he has made these choices himself and now since I scared him saying I was going to move, he is doing everything to make sure I never can even if it means uprooting our daughter from the only consistency she's ever known.

  I hate that she is going to experience divorce 7 years after it happened. He said he doesn't care whether she wants to or not, that she will have to adjust. What court or judge would look at this situation and think it would be in the her best interest to now do a 50/50 arrangement.

  If you made it this far and really can offer some kind of support or third party insight that would so greatly appreciated. I look forward to hearing what others might have to say. Thank you very much, Melissa