Bringing back the genetic child you had to bury

liz4paws

I have a really strange question to pose to those of you who have been on the TPR path for a while.

Taking money and the hassle of cycling out of the equation (because we all know it's easier and cheaper to have a baby spontaneously)...

How would you feel if you spontaneously conceived a baby at this point? Would there be any mixed feelings?

I recognized something about myself earlier this year. I had to grieve and completely emotionally bury the notion of a genetic child in order to really embrace the idea of having a child born of donor genes. And I can say that after going through that extensive grieving process, the only child(ren) I can picture in our future are comprised NOT of our genes. And not only am I okay with that idea, I cherish it.

It's to the point where if we were to spontaneously conceive a genetic child, I would feel almost blindsided and strange because that child I was forced to bury would be "coming back from the dead". That's sincerely the only way I know how to describe it. It's a strange feeling to think about a child you buried coming back to you. It makes me a bit uneasy. And it's probably a good thing because with our IF diagnosis, it just ain't gonna happen anyway ;-)

Am I alone in feeling this? I would obviously love and accept any child who is born to me - genetic or not. However it's been a strange realization to me that I feel like having a donor-conceived child is preferred at this point since that genetic child is dead.

Let me also add by saying I did NOT feel this way in the beginning. It is a feeling that has emerged in the past six months or so. I'd imagine that those new to TPR might think I'm just crazy.

I'm curious for your thoughts!