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Hi...I lurk around here a lot, finally signed up for an account today because I need some perspective. I am dating a man with 2 kids 15 and 11, both boys. We have been together for 1 1/2 years and are living together. We see his boys every weekend during the school year and as often as we can during the summer we just got visitation schedule for this summer and it works out to about a week 1/2 per month, broken up into several visits. The boys live with their mom about 45 minutes away from us.
BM and I used to have a cordial relationship...not overly friendly but we would see each other at events for the boys and be able to sit near each other and say hello with no major issues. My SO handles all communication with her regarding the kids, and most of the pickups and dropoffs I ride along sometimes and have gone once or twice on my own, but that is rare. After he moved in with me in April and we had our one year anniversary, though, things soured quite a bit and she has been rather hostile towards me. Nothing changed in my relationship with the boys my SO asked them if they were okay moving and with me and they agreed and my SO still handles 99.9 of everything...no CO's changed, no CS changed...just his location of home and the fact that we were "officially" a "longterm" couple.
I asked her the other day to speak with me about any issues she has with me because I do not want there to be a lot of issues with us. She said the issues she has are because I am more mature for my age than she expected I am younger than my SO by about 10 years and that I am financially able to do things with her boys that she can not she is a SAHM, a very good one, while I work 2 jobs when we do not have the kids. Other than quitting my jobs and magically changing my birthdate, these are things I can not change.
My question is, what can I do to make things easier? Is there anything? I try not to flaunt any extra money we have but yes, we can take the boys to the movie or out to eat when often she can not. Should I stop going when my SO takes the boys to do these things, even if they ask me to go along? There are sometimes they go out alone, they need time with just their dad. Any suggestions are welcome...
BM and I used to have a cordial relationship...not overly friendly but we would see each other at events for the boys and be able to sit near each other and say hello with no major issues. My SO handles all communication with her regarding the kids, and most of the pickups and dropoffs I ride along sometimes and have gone once or twice on my own, but that is rare. After he moved in with me in April and we had our one year anniversary, though, things soured quite a bit and she has been rather hostile towards me. Nothing changed in my relationship with the boys my SO asked them if they were okay moving and with me and they agreed and my SO still handles 99.9 of everything...no CO's changed, no CS changed...just his location of home and the fact that we were "officially" a "longterm" couple.
I asked her the other day to speak with me about any issues she has with me because I do not want there to be a lot of issues with us. She said the issues she has are because I am more mature for my age than she expected I am younger than my SO by about 10 years and that I am financially able to do things with her boys that she can not she is a SAHM, a very good one, while I work 2 jobs when we do not have the kids. Other than quitting my jobs and magically changing my birthdate, these are things I can not change.
My question is, what can I do to make things easier? Is there anything? I try not to flaunt any extra money we have but yes, we can take the boys to the movie or out to eat when often she can not. Should I stop going when my SO takes the boys to do these things, even if they ask me to go along? There are sometimes they go out alone, they need time with just their dad. Any suggestions are welcome...