Not ready but I have baby fever!

ekm1121

I don't even know where to start really. I am 19. I will be 20 in September. I'm really mature for my age, due to things that happened in my life I didn't have a choice but to grow up quick. However, that is another story. My issue is that I have baby fever, big time. It started around 8th grade and granted, I do know a lot of girls that have wanted babies I imagine being female that is only normal. But I don't know any that are as baby obsessed as me. My best friend had a baby a year ago, April 27th. She is my Goddaughter & that child is my world. & for the past year she kind of 'held me over' so to speak. Its not working so much anymore. 

  As I said I will be turning 20 this year. I am engaged & have been for two years to someone that I have been with for about 6 years. We were off and on at the beginning but, we've been together for a solid 4 years since. We've been living together for 6 months. We do have our problems like every other relationship. But nothing big. We've come through a lot together. Like recently we lost our home and we're looking for somewhere currently. I work part time & he works full time and is searching for a second job. Money isn't so tight now that he has full time. 

 More to the point, I want a baby now. Even though I know that I can't have one now. We're not married and I want to be married before we have a baby. We don't have enough money saved up & we don't even have a stable home anymore. While I know that its not possible right now its driving me insane. I am always reading up on things that have to do with pregnancy & children. I always have everything in mind when it comes to making choices that will effect my children in the future. Is it crazy of me to be that way already? Or is that just who I am? What should I do? Going crazy!