What to Call This Now?

MzCurnett8886

I also posted in my BMB but figured you ladies would have some good advice as well!            

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I'm planning a welcome home potluck for DH for his deployment. I decided on a potluck because that way none of my in-laws (read MIL) can't complain about cost of a restaurant, the hall at my church is centrally located between where his dad's side, mom's side and grandparents so no one has to drive more than anyone else. It also has a nursery for the babies, and game room for the older kids. My sister was making dry rub ribs, brisket, hamburgers/cheeseburgers, and brats. It was going to be about  100ish people of his friends and family. I am paying for the hall, meat, and drinks but other than that guests would bring their own, I was even making up a list of what needs to be brought, and what we would still need.

DH didn't originally want this because he has about a week and wanted to spend all of it just relaxing with his new baby. He's since changed his mind so that he can "get seeing people other with" and we don't have to travel or have anyone stay with us.

DH's stepmother emailed me on Facebook that she's talked to her side and they just want it as a shower when DH gets here. A meet the baby party I am okay with, and could turn out nice. As an aside, it's less time I have to spend with MIL on his mom's side!

My issue is, who is the host now? I really don't want people thinking I am since they keep calling it a "shower" (they even say they are hosting the shower portion), however I'm paying for all the major things that a host would pay for. I can't see all his male relatives and friends being super excited to watch us open gifts. I don't know if I should just decline now or not because I really don't want to be seen as tacky either.