infertility sucks.

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I thought I had pretty much emotionally prepared myself that my IUI potentially might not have worked.  And I worked up a list in my head of all of the silver linings to not being pregnant. 

1.  No more progesterone suppositories.  My least favorite thing, ever.  The junk that comes out throughout the day, and the junk that comes out during sex is terrible. 

2.  A martini. 

I don't know why but I was pretty much shocked when the nurse called to say that my test was negative.  How is it possible that 70.2 million sperm couldn't fertilize my apparently crappy eggs?  I didn't think I'd cry, and I really did think that I was prepared for the "I'm sorry, but..."

Not so much.  Sure those silver linings are great... but not exactly what I really wanted in the grand scheme of things. 

 I'm blue.