Co-Ed Shower vs. Traditional Shower vs. Diaper Party

atcwag

Alright ladies, I need some help on how to coordinate all our our close friends/family into our shower festivities.  DH and I have a lot of friends that "overlap" and also a lot of "I'm good friends with the wife, he's good friends with the husband" situation.  Also, because we both work in athletics (coaching, sports medicine), we have a lot of the same friends in that realm too.  I also have quite a few male friends and close coworkers.

Let me start by saying that my best friend has graciously offered to throw my shower.  She has spoken with my DH's best friend who noted that he was looking at planning a "diaper party" which is a pretty traditional event in my area, but is looking for input on how to plan/what to do.  My friend asked for my input into what I wanted.  She is very adament that this is "my day" and really is up for anything.

Some ideas we have thrown around are:

- traditional shower in the afternoon, followed by a more laid back "co-ed" BBQ in the evening (some guests would overlap for each event i.e. wives of couples we are mutually friends with, others wouldn't be the "co-ed" crowd; i.e. my grandma, aunts, etc.)

- a general laid-back BBQ co-ed shower/diaper party

The problems I'm running into in trying to give my host some input are:

- honestly, I like the idea of a laid-back co-ed BBQ better, but with our college friends, football coaches, etc. it wouldn't be the "scene" for my older female family

- cost of throwing a co-ed shower with at least double the amount of people that would be invited to a more traditional shower

- if we do a traditional shower and then a BBQ, how do we invite the "overlap" guests (i.e. wife is my good friend, husband is DH's close friend or my college friend who would definitely be invited to my "traditional" shower, but fits into the co-ed crowd too) to both without seeming gift-grabby?  If we held the shower/co-ed BBQ on the same day, would it be obvious that we're not "looking" for double gifts?

I'm not sure how to give input in this situation and make sure that we are able to celebrate with all our friends/family while not making certain family members uncomfortable.....

Maybe we could find an indoor/outdoor venue where we could have the traditional shower simultaneously with the BBQ for the "co-ed" crowd?  That then poses a problem with invites again.  i.e. my "party" loving boss who would definitely be up for the diaper party, but I don't know his wife too well, so I wouldn't be inviting her to my "traditional" shower.....

Help!  Solutions please!