"Divorced dad guilt" (Formerly "DH wont stand up to ex-wife")

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(Re-posted this from the nest's Family matters to here) 

My husband is being sued by his ex-wife because she wants more money to pay for a lifestyle that she can't afford for herself and is calling it "child-support".

When my husband divorced his ex, the judge established how much money she would get in child support for their one year old boy. Every year, he kept giving her more and more, because he understood his child needed more things... but it has gotten ridiculous.

He gives her a check every month for twice the amount established six years ago, which does not include (he pays for this separately all by himself): doctor's bills, medicine, school tuition and supplies (all year round), class trips, christmas gifts, expenses when he's with us for extended periods of time, after-school classes, tutor, some food staples that my husband sells wholesale, haircuts, and a few other things...

Regardless, every weekend when we pick him up she gives him to us in dirty, torn, too small clothes... while she's decked out to the nines, with fake nails, hair extensions, professionally applied makeup, expensive handbags, and such... It got so embarassing that one day we had to go to our country's equivalent of Target to buy him a decent outfit to wear out with us. And has gone as far as to say that he eats too much for a kid his age and that how is she expected to feed him so much.

Now she's gone to a judge and asked for MORE money. She wants 2.5 times what she's already getting. Which probably won't mean that all the other additional things he pays for will stop. In the mean time, we've been married for two and a half years, I keep getting the whole "we can't afford it" reply everytime i mention kids, house stuff, etc... 

I think there are few divorced dads that don't live with their son, that take him to and from school every single day, has never been late for a child support payment, pays for all the extras, spends all his weekends with his son and extended holidays (sometimes over a month) whenever she has to go away on "business" trips.

How can I get him to understand that saying no to HER, does not make him a bad father to his SON? A therapist I went to a couple of times says he's got "divorced dad guilt". Any suggestions? Has anyone been through something similar?

ps. his family is useless in offering him guidance and a dad getting custody is basically impossible in our country. 

Edit: We've got lawyers working on the custody stuff, need help on the "divorced dad guilt"