Grad Party Question (NBSR)

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I know this isn't baby-shower related, but you ladies seem to be the experts on gift-receiving party etiquette, so I have a situation and question for you.

I was recently informed by my mom that I was asked to do cake balls (uncompensated) for a lovely girl, who was graduating from high school, that I was nearly a nanny for during high school.  I spent a large chunk of her (and my) childhood watching her and her brother.  Her parents never asked me to do the cake balls and I would have GLADLY done it, except my mom stepped up and said I was busy that weekend, because she knew the father of the girl was kind of crappy and didn't want either of us to go through the hassle of it.

I would have gladly done it uncompensated, but my parents felt I should be paid (since they do cost time and money), and they knew it wouldn't happen.  Add to it that her father and I ran into each other  months ago and he told me she was graduating and 'didn't care if I came, as long as I wrote her a large check'.  I know he was just being sarcastic and has a stupid sense of humor, but it rubbed me the wrong way.

Anyways - her graduation party was last weekend.  I felt bad and REALLY wanted to go, but I fell sick over the weekend and couldn't make it.  I am stuck on this - her father 'verbally' invited me almost 8 months ago to her party 'sometime in May'.  They also told my mom that they wanted me to do those cake balls.  But I was NEVER sent an invitation to her grad party.  I feel like I am obligated to still send her a check, but some in my family disagree. 

TL:DR - If you are verbally, through the grape-vine, invited to a graduation party of someone that was super close in the past, are you obligated to go/send a check?  I have been married three years and have owned my house for four years - isn't it about time I received my own invitation to a gift-giving event, or does someone have to be 30+ to receive one in exchange for money?

P.S. The father is a piece of work - he skipped my wedding (the rest of the family attended) because my parents threw it at a Teamster's hall.  He's so anti-union that he refused to even recognize my marriage for the first few years.  Now he expects me to send money to his daughter without even inviting me to the party. 

What would you do?