Boundary Stomping bio fam

hoopduck

So...I have a serious concern about potential boundary stomping. Some bg for you: I am adopted. Have a great relationship with my inlaws and my parents. Bio Dad and his fam live far away so not an issue there. Bio Mom and her fam on the other hand live in my city. I found my biogical relatives when I turned 19. Besides one neat Aunt, they have had pretty much nothing to do with me and I've just stopped emotionally investing in relationships that don't go anywhere. So, ff to now. Hubby and I TTC for years to get pregnant with this LO, everyones very excited, and my bio Mom reappears in my life bringing baby stuff over and being in general, cool and supportive. I think wow you know this baby might bring us closer together, awesome. So one morning not long ago, my hubby gets a text from her saying 'hey, is it alright if I come over and drop off some books and stuff?' 'Sure' he says! Meanwhile I'm sleeping in and groggily get dressed. By the time I'm ready and leave our bedroom, there is not only my bio Mom, but a bio Aunt, her two daughters, and my bio Grandma whom I sincerely dislike sitting in my living room. Awkward...so I sit and visit with these strange people who I don't know. Hoping they will leave soon. Silently fuming at bio Mom for just bringing these people into our home without asking. They talk about the weirdest things....like skinned horse heads and shitty porkchops they come across. Nothing a pregnant women wants to hear. They complain about random things for about an hour, give me some seriously creepy extended hugs and used crappy partially destroyed books, and leave. On the way out, bio Aunt says, 'oh btw make sure you call me when you go into labour so I can come take pictures for you!' We shut that down fast! DH makes sure they all hear him when he says, 'There will be no one at the hospital except us. We will call when we are ready for visitors.' So the Mr. and I decide it's time to set some firm boundaries. Bio Mom is contacted and asked never to show up with surprise company like that again. She agrees and that's that. If you got this far, you rock! Sorry this is so long ladies.

Meanwhile, another bio Aunt is in the habit of just dropping by whenever. Now she is one cool lady who I actually like and has invested time in our relationship. However in this particular bio family everyone just seems to show up, get enmeshed, and think everyone's business is their own. No calling ahead of time, no asking before hand, everyone just does whatever and says nothing. Not how DH and I were raised and definitely NOT how we roll. So Aunt is told to call first before showing up. She agrees. Two days later, DH and I are getting down and dirty when we both hear the front door open and shut. W.T.F.!! DH throws his pants on and goes off to investigate. Sees bio Aunt driving away and a diaper bag in the porch...so she opened the door, threw in the bag and left. Did.not.call....and came in without knocking! So I'm fairly upset by this and so is he. He texted her right away saying he was naked and from now on he'll be locking the gate. She gets a bit huffy but gets the point. I haven't acknowledged the diaper bag. I already have one, and I sure as heck would have appreciated a call first! Grrr! We have been locking our doors now even when we are home. So laying here tonight in bed wide awake, I am wondering if I should actually phone my bio Mom when I go into labor like we plan to phone our parents. Will the bio fam be able to behave themselves? Will they just show up at the hospital? And will they still think they can barge into my home unannounced when LO is here? I have no problem telling them how it's going to be, but right now I am anxious and stressed they just won't care what I want and go ahead and do whatever. WWYD?