Can't One Thing Just Go Right?

sammer818 · May 2013

Warning - this is a long whiney, venty, pity party post.

DH and I started working with a brand new surrogacy agency about a month ago. It's a one-woman operation and we LOVED her! Her rates were way cheaper than the other agency in our state and she was an amazing lady. She even had two potential surrogates that we could meet. We met with one for dinner and we thought things went really well (that was on a Friday). On Monday, we went this woman an email saying we'd like to work with her. We really aren't picky. At this point, we just want a responsible woman who is going to take care of us and the pregnancy. Well, it turns out she wanted us to be friends and have this awesome emotional bond before she would even agree to work with us. That just wasn't ok - we couldn't build a true friendship/connection with someone is this situation because it would be based on us wanting something from her.

The other potential surrogate decided to work with an out-of-state agency, so there was no one left for us to possibly be match with. So, we had to step away from working with this amazing agency and go with one that is way more expensive, less personal, and farther away. I'm so angry and sad that we had to start all over again. I just mailed the application yesterday and I'm bitter that I had to pay them a non-refundable check just to look at our application and see if we are good enough to work with but the drug-abuser down the street can pop out kids like nobody's business.

To make it worse, we have our annual girls' weekend trip next weekend. Two of the girls are pregnant and we are having one of the showers on Saturday. I was ok with it because I thought we'd at least be a tiny bit closer to having a family...but no. We are no closer than we were after our 6th loss. To make it worse, my friends have made me the elephant in the room - they all know about my situation but refuse to acknowledge it and it's awkward when there are kids around.

Overall, my heart hurts today. I'm feeling especially angry and bitter and I'm so sad that we are completely starting over. It's not a good day for me today.

Thanks for letting me whine and vent. I feel a tiny bit better now that I've gotten it all out. Sorry this got so long.

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