Should I let my mom come when LO arrives? looong

nycnola

Actually a month or so afterwards, but that's a small detail. 

A little back story-  my mom has always had...issues. I am totally convinced she has something called histrionic personality disorder. It's extremely annoying, but it was always bearable....but barely. Anyways, about 6 years ago my sister was raped, and it pushed my mom over this cliff of total mental breakdown. There is a ton to this story but my mom said some extremely hateful/selfish/BSC crazy stuff to me and my sister, over several years, and last year my mom said "It would be easier for me if SISTER was dead".Because of this my sister and my mom don't speak any more, and I have severely distanced myself from my mom as well. She still has her "issues". We skype with her once a week because my grandpa lives with her and I want him to be able to see DD, and my mom is always there. Because I keep a lot of information from her and really limit my communication, our interactions are usually "normal", but very shallow.

Last night she called me and was saying how she wanted to come visit after LO2 comes, and she mentioned "I haven't seen DD since the October your dad died." And I said "She was there the January afterwards, too" (my mom twists facts ALL.THE.TIME. to suit her sob stories, so I always immediately correct, no matter what). Mom replies "Is that when the SISTER thing happened? Ugh, I can't even talk about how awful she has been to me". It was an immediate indication to me that she still has no grasp of what she has said/has done/keeps doing that damages our relationship with her. She even claims that my sister and I have made things up that she has said, but also refuses to call us liars. It's so, so weird and frustrating. We invited my mom to DD's baptism when DD was about 5 weeks old, and she picked several fights with me while she was at my house, and I let most of them go but she eventually did it in front of DD's Godparents and my inlaws and I majorly downdressed her. I KNOW she will do this again when she's staying with us. I just don't know if I want her to come. What do you think? TIA.