introducing myself....

jms1374

I posted this intro on the infertility board a few days ago but wanted to introduce myself here as well since I think I'd fit in

 

 

I finally got the courage to escape from lurkdom and introduce myself. I apologize if this ends up being long

 My IF journey began about 6 years ago. My husband and I did the "not trying, but not preventing" for 2 years, but nothing happened. I knew I had issues (I was pretty certain I had PCOS as I have always had irregular periods and other symptoms). My doctor did all of the tests but found nothing (not until later seeing an RE did I finally get my PCOS diagnosis). Before she (gyno) would treat me, she had my husband do a SA where we found he had extremely low count and motility. Fast forward a year later--none of our treatments helped his counts so we finally decided that it was indeed IVF for us. We were so optimistic going into this as we felt that the problem was getting the sperm and egg together--once we did that, everything would fall into place. I had a tough ER and the doctor had to go through my bladder to get to my right ovary--(my clinic is one of the few in the coutnry who does ER with you awake and feeling everything). This left me in extreme pain for several days, especially when my bladder was full. We transferred 2 embryos on day 3 and then about 10 days later, I started bleeding and we got the crushing news that our attempt failed. We were so unprepared for this outcome and I fell into a 6 month depression and just shut down emotionally. We had 1 frozen embie and at the end of 2010, decided to do an FET. Once again, we were so optimistic thinking that perhaps the reason the first attempt failed was my body was just not ready due to the difficult retrieval. The day of our transfer we were so excited and couldn't wait to meet our little one. An hour prior to the procedure we got the devestating call that our embryo did not survive the thaw.

After some serious sould searching, we decided no more IVF. We were concerned that there were chromosomal issues and if we attempted another IVF, we would exhaust our insurance and might have nothing to show for it. We began researching adoption and I came across a lot of info about embryo adoption. I wasn't sure about this as it seemed even more difficult that traditional adoption, but decided that the $150.00 for Miracles Waiting was worth the risk just to see. We began speaking the first day with a couple who had an add posted but I didn't feel comfortable with how attached they were and didn't think they were truly prepared to let go of the embryos. The next day, I got an email from a wonderful women who had 17 embryos that had been donated to her, and had 1 son from that batch, with 15 remaining. She and her husband decided they were not going to pursue more transfers due to financial reason and she was ready to donate the 15 left. We began speaking with her and the genetic parents and developed a wonderful relationship. 6 months later, we had the embryos at our clinic and were ready to transfer. We thought that this was a sign that this is how we were supposed to get our family! It worked out perfectly. In September, we transfer 2 beautiful blasts. 10 days after transfer, I couldn't take it any more and had to do the POAS. I was stunned to see that second pink line for the first time in my life!  We were overjoyed! 2 days later we had the bloodtest and the following day got the call that while yes, it was positive, the beta was only 13. We knew what we were in for. The next day it was confirmed a CP. And once again, we were crushed.

 Fast forward to present, we are currently cycling for an April 26 (i keep putting wrong date!!!!) transfer. I am trying everything I can to make this a success and I know that talking about it is needed. I just can't bring myself to talk about it to people who don't get it. Tomorrow I start my first acupuncture session (can't wait!!! as someone who lives in perpetual stress, this has got to be a benefit!).

I know this is very long, but just getting it out is so very therapeutic for me and I am very grateful there is a place to go where people get it. Not that I would wish this on anyone, but it is so comforting to know someone is going through the same things.