Between a rock and a hard place

tig594

I know this is a decision I need to make but I was hoping for some input from other moms to be.

I am having a c-section in 5 days.  LO's dad has been in the picture but has an alcohol problem and I have decided I simply have to draw the line for the sake of our child.  He is fine for 3-4 months and then goes on 1-2 week binges.  He went on one 2 weeks ago and during this last one had a BAC of .028 and has acted like a complete douche and has done some things he will soon be regretting.  He has a hard time dealing with his emotions and when he gets upset about something he doesn't talk but lets it fester and fester until he turns to alcohol.  Keeping steady employment is obviously a challenge because of this. This is not acceptable behavior.  He is 42 and needs to grow up and learn responsibilty.  HIs family needs to stop enabling him.  I already know I can't trust him at this point with the baby.  He's begged me to let him come back and insists that he loves me and our child more than anything and that he really wants to be here for me and the baby.  I've refused and reminded him that it was HIS actions that put him in this situation.  I will always love him but know we just can't be together until he fixes his issues.

My dilemma is this.  I know he really wants to be there when the baby arrives and I'm kind of stuck on the fence about it.  On the one hand I feel, as her father, he has a right to be there (if he is sober).  Maybe it will change him, maybe it will not.  Her birth will be a once in a lifetime thing for both of us (neither of us want more children) and I would feel like a schmuck taking that away from him (and possibly her).  On the other hand, he's been such an lately that I really don't want to deal with any potential drama over it. I don't want him to see it as a possible way back in and get the idea that we'll be some happy little family and all will be forgiven. Even though I've made it perfectly clear he can't come back at this point in time he hears what he wants to hear (typical man).   He knows he screwed up, but he also knew the last time, and the time before that, etc.  I'm also afraid that if we are able to work things out in the future I will feel extremely guilty if I don't let him be there. 

Tough decision!  Any advice?  TIA