Need advice on sister-in law

dooleyme

There is a lot of history to this post, so I will try to summarize in as few words as I can!

My brother's wife and I got engaged a few months apart and due to drama that she caused, along with my husband going back to school, we decided to wait an entire year after their wedding to get married. (She was completely normal to me and I even liked her before any of the wedding drama started!) This is where some of the drama started. During the whole year of her wedding, I was completely ostracized at every even she invited me to attend. One example was her dress fitting, to which she invited 12 girls. She had my brother call me later to tell me that she was mad that I was talking to another bride in the shop during her 2+ hour dress fitting. Then, she said that she overheard me talking about my wedding invitations to my mom at her "dress fitting luncheon" and couldn't believe that I wasn't putting ALL of my attention on her. During her entire engagement period, I never mentioned my wedding, my dress, or any details about my big day. Nor did she bother to ask me. After her wedding, she called me and told me she regretted even having me as a part of it. (Even though her maid of honor got drunk and I was the one sewing up her ripped train at the reception). This list goes on. Needless to say, she is somewhat of a narcissist. During my wedding, she is not smiling in many of my pictures and many of my guests asked me what was wrong with her that day. Who knows, always something to pull the attention back to her!

Fast forward to present day, and I am 14 weeks pregnant, due August 30th. Ever since my brother and sister-in law's wedding, they have been trying to conceive. They have tried 4 rounds of IVF and are in the process of adopting. During all of their procedures, I have sent cards, cookies, flowers, kind emails, etc. I also spent many weeks debating how to break our news to them because I knew they would be upset. I talked to a counselor, read discussion boards, and really felt like the best thing to do was to send a letter to allow them to react in privacy. Well, ever since the day we shared the news, they have now ignored everyone in my entire family, including my 87 year old grandmother who has nothing to do with the fact that I'm pregnant.

 I am always the one trying to extend the olive branch, but at this point in my life, I am so tired of being hurt and disappointed. I have taken their feelings into consideration and have worked so hard to tell them in a private, supportive way. I understand that infertility is difficult because one of my best friends went through it and now has two adopted children. I just don't think it's fair that they get to act this way toward me and I'm expected to always just be "okay" with their behavior. They have not acknowledged this pregnancy and now are doing everything possible to avoid me. I even got an email today saying that they would not be a part of Easter with our family. I wholeheartedly believe that it is because they are avoiding me like the black plague because I'm pregnant.

 It is really hurtful to me that they will get to ignore me my entire pregnancy, but then expect me to be happy and excited for them once they succeed with IVF or adoption.  I get that they are hurting, but it's unfair not to accept the fact that I am hurting too.

I guess I'm just asking for advice or support from you ladies. My parents are so fed up with their behavior (remember, they are ignoring my parents now that I'm pregnant), but continue to excuse their behavior due to their "hurt feelings." I didn't get pregnant to hurt them, nor have I said a word to them about my pregnancy. I always thought my children would grow up with their cousins, but at this point, I don't really want my children around such toxic people. It's just so upsetting to me, especially being so emotional at this point! 

 Any thoughts or advice on what to do? (Sorry this is so long!!!!)