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August 2013 Moms
Heavy Advice Needed
Heads up, I have created a different username because I am too embarrassed to put this out there without doing so. I feel not revealing the details that are sensitive to me could make a difference in how it might be responded to. I need some really hard advice from an outside perspective. Anyone that I could ask would instantly judge.
My sister is also pregnant with her first child. She found out recently that she is having a little girl and I am concerned for baby girl's safety. My little sister is completely oblivious to this threat, who happens to be our Dad.
My Dad molested my cousin when she was very little. He was put in charge of her care and was a teenager. I don't know specifics, I dont feel that it is appropriate to ask my cousin. I'm not sure anyone else knows besides my immediate family other sister, brother, mom and her. I believe she was between the ages of 35 and he was somewhere in his teens.
He revealed this to me when I was 15 because he was 'afraid my mother would tell me first.'. They were going through a divorce and in this same conversation, he told my brother and I that we had to choose who we were going to live with AND that he had an affair. There was a lot more detail to the divorce obviously, but I'm trying to get across that this was pretty much said in one sentence. 1. I was very young/immature. 2. My heart was torn between my Mom and my Dad 3. I was confused. 4. My cousin had always been trashed by my parents so I had thought she was a bad person... Now I know why my Dad trashed her anyway, he was afraid of her!
Fast forward to maybe two years ago. It dawned on me what my Dad had confessed that day. My Dad was a rapist. My Dad was a CHILD molester. He hurt a CHILD. Had he done it more frequently? Who else may have been a victim? Was I a victim? I don't remember hardly anything from my childhood, have I blocked it out? My parents had a daycare! The daycare was left in his hands while my mother went to college out of state!
My Dad was a great dad! All of my friends always said they wished he was their dad! If I had never been told this, I would have never known.
Ok, back on to the purpose of my post, it is not about my feelings on what happened, its about my sister and her baby.
No one has ever told my little sister. She was too young to have even known what the word molest meant. And to this day, no one has tried. My conflict isdo I tell her so she can make choices to protect her child and risk losing my Dad forever? The two of them have a struggling relationship as it is, but my Dad and I don't. I do love my dad. I know he made a sick choice, that he probably has a sickness. Nothing can be done to reprimand him, I have checked because I have considered turning him in. It has been too long legally. Which is sad since she was just a child and couldn't have reported him at that age. I am afraid my dad will punish me for telling her. But I feel so strongly that she needs to know.
I have a headache thinking about it, I hate thinking about it. But baby is coming soon and I need to make a decision on what I am going to do and when I am going to do it.
If you were my sister, would you want to know? Would you want to have that kind of sick thought in your head for the rest of your life even though there is nothing you can do for your cousin/ but you can protect your child? What would be the most gentle way to receive this kind of devastating news?
I just can't think anymore. Please try to refrain from flaming, this is really personal and sensitive, I am coming on here for unbiased advice not to hear I am an awful person. I already feel like an awful person to be born a child of a pervert. From the depths of my heart I feel utter shame for it.
My sister is also pregnant with her first child. She found out recently that she is having a little girl and I am concerned for baby girl's safety. My little sister is completely oblivious to this threat, who happens to be our Dad.
My Dad molested my cousin when she was very little. He was put in charge of her care and was a teenager. I don't know specifics, I dont feel that it is appropriate to ask my cousin. I'm not sure anyone else knows besides my immediate family other sister, brother, mom and her. I believe she was between the ages of 35 and he was somewhere in his teens.
He revealed this to me when I was 15 because he was 'afraid my mother would tell me first.'. They were going through a divorce and in this same conversation, he told my brother and I that we had to choose who we were going to live with AND that he had an affair. There was a lot more detail to the divorce obviously, but I'm trying to get across that this was pretty much said in one sentence. 1. I was very young/immature. 2. My heart was torn between my Mom and my Dad 3. I was confused. 4. My cousin had always been trashed by my parents so I had thought she was a bad person... Now I know why my Dad trashed her anyway, he was afraid of her!
Fast forward to maybe two years ago. It dawned on me what my Dad had confessed that day. My Dad was a rapist. My Dad was a CHILD molester. He hurt a CHILD. Had he done it more frequently? Who else may have been a victim? Was I a victim? I don't remember hardly anything from my childhood, have I blocked it out? My parents had a daycare! The daycare was left in his hands while my mother went to college out of state!
My Dad was a great dad! All of my friends always said they wished he was their dad! If I had never been told this, I would have never known.
Ok, back on to the purpose of my post, it is not about my feelings on what happened, its about my sister and her baby.
No one has ever told my little sister. She was too young to have even known what the word molest meant. And to this day, no one has tried. My conflict isdo I tell her so she can make choices to protect her child and risk losing my Dad forever? The two of them have a struggling relationship as it is, but my Dad and I don't. I do love my dad. I know he made a sick choice, that he probably has a sickness. Nothing can be done to reprimand him, I have checked because I have considered turning him in. It has been too long legally. Which is sad since she was just a child and couldn't have reported him at that age. I am afraid my dad will punish me for telling her. But I feel so strongly that she needs to know.
I have a headache thinking about it, I hate thinking about it. But baby is coming soon and I need to make a decision on what I am going to do and when I am going to do it.
If you were my sister, would you want to know? Would you want to have that kind of sick thought in your head for the rest of your life even though there is nothing you can do for your cousin/ but you can protect your child? What would be the most gentle way to receive this kind of devastating news?
I just can't think anymore. Please try to refrain from flaming, this is really personal and sensitive, I am coming on here for unbiased advice not to hear I am an awful person. I already feel like an awful person to be born a child of a pervert. From the depths of my heart I feel utter shame for it.