Really..Really Struggling (first post got cut off)

TrixieGirl82

So of course I was nervous ever since our BFP, but I was finally starting to get excited and actually think this was real. Well, two weeks ago when I found out we lost one of our twins (I did write a post about it) everything changed. I am thrilled the other baby was looking good and very grateful. I had another ultrasound about a week ago (first OB appointment-and he couldn't hear baby on the doppler). And again baby was looking good. But I still feel so depressed-I spend my days off from work lying in bed sleeping/crying/worrying. I don't feel excited anymore, and its not bc I am not excited about our one baby-it's bc I am so afraid something bad is going to happen. I feel like I don't want to get my hopes up-if this pregnancy doesn't work out. I've stopped reading all my books, window shopping for baby things, and looking at nursery ideas on Pintrest. I hate that I cannot just enjoy being pregnant. I don't have another ultrasound for two more weeks so I am just a nervous wreck-I know it doesn't help things, but I try to relax and I just can't. Before getting pregnant I always thought misscariage=lots of bleeding/clots/cramps. But being on these boards and having lost one of our babies I now realize that is not always the case-which really freaks me out. I'm really not trying to sound or act like I want a pitty party here-I just really don't know what to do anymore and I am wondering if maybe someone has been in my position and has any advice. Thanks ladies!