Anyone struggling with the parents vs. in-laws role? Long...

TMWarren85

DD loves spending time with both my mom (divorced/living alone) and my in-laws (still married). They are very different people though, and DD's relationship with each of them is quite different. She see's my mom as a fun person, and she see's my in-laws as more traditional grandparents but tends to respect that role more. My mom works in retail so her hours aren't as friendly as my in-laws, so any time she spends the night it's during the week, and then she takes her to school by 9 the next morning whereas my in-laws will keep her on the weekend, take her to church, etc. To sum it up- they are night and day.

When DD comes home from my moms house, she's rotten- doesn't listen, talks back, demands things. She spends the whole time getting everything she wants and they do like, 15 fun things. Play at the playhouse in whatever fast food restaurant they go to (kills me..) go home and bake cookies, watch multiple movies, eat extra snacks, go to the store and buy trinkety toys that always break, stay up late, etc... Then she comes home and it takes an entire day worth of back and forth, getting sent to her room and even spanked for her behavior before she snaps out of it. Where with my in-laws it's still very structured (like at home) and there are usually few issues (the occasional 'I want grandma/grandpa' when she's upset about something).

With LO due soon, my mom has been asking what our plans are for DD- and honestly I try not to think about it because it's going to be drama. The thought of my mom having DD for days on end and her coming home how she normally does to have to adjust to life with a newborn makes my head hurt. Yes, I know grandparents are supposed to spoil but I have my limits and tolerance. I still want her to have her routine; school, swimming/gymnastics, bedtime, etc. Everyone knows how structured I am, do I just lay it out and give my mom the chance knowing she will more than likely do as she pleases anyway, or do I just deal with the drama and have the in-laws keep her?