Nightmare and that Beat

maginell

I hit 14 weeks on Thursday and had assumed my nervousness would calm a bit after 12 weeks, but the exact opposite has happened! I've been a HUGE bundle of nerves lately! I just can't shake the feeling that I'm going to get a terrible surprise at next appointment.  My only comfort has been the fact that the skin on my belly just over my uterus is really warm most of the time.  Still, I remained unconvinced.

I had said I wouldn't order a doppler.  I didn't need one, but Friday night, enough was enough!  I broke down and ordered an Angelsounds doppler.  I couldn't justify $50+ for a Sonoline B when the video reviews sound the same to me and the heart rate monitor isn't accurate.  Anyhow, it was due to arrive on Feb 6th, my(and DH's) birthday.

Last night, I woke up at about 4:30am, bawling and terrified.  I had a dream that we went for an U/S in lieu of our regular MW appointment. The room was very bright white and very sterile.  The screen was behind me, and I had to turn around to look at it.  There was a doctor and my new MW in the room whispering.  I knew it was bad.  I saw the baby, but there was NO heartbeat.  It was the single most terrifying moment of my life, but thankfully I was asleep.  It felt so real, and was so disturbing that I couldn't get back to sleep.  I couldn't shake the feeling all day.  I just kept hoping for the doppler to arrive soon.

I came home from work today, and to my surprise, the doppler was waiting in my door.  I wasted no time!  And, well, as you can probably guess, my LO is just fine.  It was such a relief, I'm still emotional about it...

So...to anyone who is a "Nervous Nellie" like me, and has been worrying and contemplating the doppler.  Do yourself a favor, just buy one.  Even if you cheap out, like I did--it worked perfectly!  No complaints!  Just relief...I may actually sleep tonight!  Plus, I am excited for DH to hear the heartbeat for the first time...