Putting this here.

MrsSteSte

I need to get this out, because I'm having a down feeling kind of day. Week, really. I'm feeling crappy and kind of overwhelmed by things, and I don't have anywhere else to put this. It's about loss, so please proceed with caution. And I might DD at some point, too.








In my work I see a lot of pregnancy loss. It's graphic, so I'm not going to go into detail; no one needs to hear the details. At all stages, for all medically indicated reasons slash causes.

In the past, I was really callous about it. It was a fact of life, an arbitrary thing that happened to nebulous "them" that sucked but was what it was. By callous I mean that it didn't affect me at all, and I didn't bat an eye at it. If I REALLY think about lots of parts of my job I would be paralyzed by sadness slash fear. So it wasn't just this in particular that I have to shield myself about. It's a defense mechanism. I love my job, and I'm damn good at it. And it's much needed. But sometimes it's just too much.

Anyway. Since we started TTC and then got pregnant, those cases obviously hit me harder than ever before. I can't help but put myself in the family's place. And I can't get it out of my head. Today is especially bad, and it has me rattled. And scared to death for my appt Monday.

I don't know what I'm looking for here. Nothing, really. I just needed to get that out, I guess. Thanks for letting me vent.