I have to get this off my chest.

uvallie

OK ladies, I may get flamed for this, but it is what I'm expecting. It may be long, so don't read it if you don't want to, I'm not asking for advice but need to get this off my chest.

 Backstory: My SIL has been openly TTC since 2009 without success on her own including hormones and medication. She has been openly frustrated about it and it has been a topic on everyone's lips in the past couple of years, especially her loud mouth mother (my MIL) who IMO has been awful about it and her daughter's inability to conceive.

DH and I announced our pregnancy early in my terms to our families at 7 weeks at Xmas. It was awkward and I didn't want to do it in front of SIL but DH insisted as he wanted his family to be excited for us and I wanted that for him. It WAS awkward but that's another story. 

  SIL gets first round of IVF early Jan. and finds out she was pregnant with twins. OK here's the awful part- I actually was not 100% happy for her as my baby and her babies were going to be due 5 weeks apart and I wanted to preserve a little bit of attention for the first grandchild (ours). I KNOW this sounds awful and like an AW, and I get it, believe me. I did snap out of that and got excited that they would be growing up together.

 

Today: I got a text from her saying that after her U/S at 3:30pm she had lost both babies. I FEEL AWFUL. I feel awful for her and I feel awful for having a second of bad thoughts towards her pregnancy. I completely regret my moment of immaturity at such a special time in her life. I can never tell anyone else this besides you ladies, cause ya know, I don't have to get the stink eye in real life from you.

 This was therapy for me and I don't expect a reply from anyone.