Hey, Facebook ladies.

pantherRN

You want to know why I didn't meet my post count for January? 

Because after our first appointment on the 11th, we found out our sweet baby had no heartbeat. The baby that should have looked like a baby and not just a blob on the screen, yeah it only measured 5 weeks and 6 days. When we told our families at Christmas about the baby? Yeah, it had no heartbeat. Every night when my husband would say good night to me and the baby, he was talking to a baby with no heartbeat. 

I spent my day yesterday putting medication into my vagina that made me bleed and cramp like I was in labor. I hope you don't have to know what that feels like for another 30 weeks or so.

And while I thought I was on the road to recovery and moving on, you had to remind me that in fact, I don't belong here anymore. The salt in the wound is unbearable right now.

I never posted a good-bye post here because I couldn't bear to see your tickers and posts about how awful you feel or whatever undesirable pregnancy symptom you are having at the moment. I'd LOVE to be there right now.