I want to scream at my friend while telling her she's a good mom

faithfaery

Apologies in advance for the long post. Here's the situation. My friend, who I'll call Beth, has one child, who I'll call Jenna. Beth and I disagree on parenting styles, but it has never interfered with our friendship or even really been brought up between us. We just both know that we do things differently and agree to disagree.

Beth had an all natural home birth, breastfed only, has denied all vaccinations, only gives Jenna all organic food, and said she would only take Jenna to the doctor when she is sick, not for regular check ups. Jenna is about 10 months old. Beth and her husband drink raw milk, kefir, and kombucha. She makes the kefir and kombucha herself. So she's kind of what you'd call a crunchy mama.

Whereas I had a hospital birth with epidural for the twins (and plan to have the same with LO), formula fed when breastfeeding didn't work with the twins (though am determined to breastfeed LO), have gotten all vaccinations save 1 for the twins, and would love to do only organic but it doesn't fit our budget.  So the boys haven't gone the organic route. Also, M and D have gone to every check up recommended for the first 2 years. We're on WIC, so we get regular milk and while I was getting kefir from Beth for a while, I haven't for a long time. I guess we're more "modern" in our parenting style, though not for lack of desire. Essentially it boils down to medical vs natural. 

But that's not really the point of my issue today. Beth is a small woman, and so Jenna has been tiny since birth. She's always looked a little skinny to me, but not unhealthy. Anyways, I got a text message from Beth this morning, asking that I pray for her and Jenna. Turns out she took the baby to the doctor yesterday (not sure why) and they told her that Jenna is very underweight. She's just over 15 pounds. When Beth got home, she pumped to see how much milk she is making and only got 1 ounce per breast. So Beth is in a tizzy. I completely understand being upset at underfeeding your child. I went through the same thing when M and D were a few days old and we found out we were underfeeding them. 

What really gets me is this - in Beth's text to me, she asked me to pray that she wouldn't be stressing about malnourishment for Jenna until the ingredients come in for her to make raw formula. I asked her how long that would take and she said 5 - 8 days. For another week Jenna will be underfed. I was flabbergasted. I know Beth is an all natural mama, and I respect her for that choice. But I want to shake her by the shoulders and scream, "Feed your kid!" 

Beth and her husband have a very tight budget, so I offered to buy her goat milk or formula to give to Jenna while they wait for the ingredients. Beth refused. What is worse? A week's worth of "chemicals" or essentially starving your child? DH suggested I tell her my concerns and basically say that she has to suck it up and feed her kid what she can until she can feed her what she wants to. He even worded it "What do you think Jenna would ask for if she could? She'd say she wants to eat." Which, as a mom, I think is pushing a little too far.

I know Beth is upset and highly emotional right now. I don't want to make it worse by talking down to her or insinuating she's a bad mom, or even having her feel that way when that's not how I'm meaning to say things. But I want Jenna to be fed. Today. I love that little girl like she were my niece. And I feel so angry with Beth for holding back nourishment over the word "natural." I want to snap at her, asking if she thinks I harmed my kids by giving them a year's worth of formula. Especially when she can see they are perfectly healthy.

What would you do? Would you confront her, or would you stay silent, knowing that it's "just" one more week?