Feeling sorry for myself.

zonagirlie

Just having the blahs. I'm so lucky to have a totally healthy son even with the setbacks we've had and my pregnancy is going so well with no real pain or discomfort. I'm almost 39 weeks and loving pregnancy still. 

I just feel sad about my husband missing it all and his graduation is in a few days and I'm stuck here. Another military wife from the area took some presents for him with her so at least he'll have some snacks for his long plane ride to his next duty station, but I'm so jealous she gets to go. Like snarky jealous. She's pregnant too but she can still fly. And she's going to move to the next duty station most likely so she can see her husband daily as long as he maintains good conduct. I will get to drive down to see Mr. maybe once a month or so if I can handle it with a newborn. If I could move down there, I would, but Mr. wants to save money by living with his family rather than paying a crazy amount in rent and paying to move our stuff. I get it, but part of me is angry that I can't live with my husband for six more months.

What if my son doesn't bond with his dad well because of this? What if I start having my anxiety issues again and I'm stranded alone, in a city I hate freezing in the winter with no sun? No one can really tell us anything about his academy stuff, he won't have orders until the very last minute so I can't plan for after July. I just have to sit here. I hate that. I hate not being able to take care of shiit. I've worked since I was 15 and now I just sit. My beautiful boy will be here soon, but I'll still just be alone all day with him and it's too cold to take a newborn out, and why would you want to take a brand new baby out anyway? I know a few people, but they work or have kids or both.

Ugh. I'm just so frustrated. I know life isn't fair. Military life isn't fair. I was a military brat, I knew what the life was like, but it doesn't make me less sad.

I hope those of you guys who've had your little ones already with your husbands appreciate what you've gotten to experience. Even if your hub is annoying you and brings you the wrong stuff or doesn't know how to put a diaper on or has no clue about anything, just be glad he's there, even if it's just at the end of the work day. Be content in knowing your baby and their daddy are getting a chance. And if your hubby will be with you at your birth, be thankful you get that.

You're lucky.