Unreasonable Thoughts

Pumpkins+Junebug

Every single thing I do makes me cry. Drinking water? I used to drink water for the baby. I used to eat to feed the baby inside me. I used to hold my belly while I fell asleep. I couldn't even read my boys a bedtime story last night because I kept choking up, thinking "I'll never have a chance to read this book to my daughter."

How do you get through a day when even the simplest things make you break down? I try to think of my living children, doing things for them... But they have so many people here to love them and play with them, and my tiny girl has no one. I'm not suicidal but I feel painfully guilty that I'm here to hold my boys and she's so, so little with no one to hold her, wherever she is. I feel like she needs her mama.

I know it's soon after my loss. And I know I need to talk to a professional. I just thought I'd post here for some... I don't know, sympathy? Understanding? I'm alone with my kids today and it's going to take everything I've got to stay strong and take care of them.