Whiney Vent, Feel Free To Ignore

faithfaery

This is my second pregnancy, third child. Silly me, having thought that the first time around being twins and this time being just one, I figured I'd have it so much easier this time! Not only are M and D marching their way to 2 in just 19 days, I have had more pain with this pregnancy than I did the first time around. 

The doc explains it like this - because it was twins first time, my body had to over stretch to accommodate. So the second my muscles were hit with the pregnancy hormone they said "Oh, I remember this" and just completely let go. There's no help "holding" up my stomach, so all the pressure is on my ligaments and tendons. This causes the worst "stretching" pain I have ever felt - to the point of not being able to breathe and my step-mother thinking I was going into labor at 31 weeks.

Little "Pooka" (baby's in-utero nickname) also has more room than his brothers had, and so moves so much more than they did. Don't get me wrong, I love all the little wiggles. But sometimes his stretches and kicks are utterly painful. It's almost embarrassing to be out of the house or with friends when he starts up, because I feel like I look like such a baby pushing on my stomach and wincing. He's brought tears to my eyes on occasion.

 M and D are very smart and very well behaved for their age. They know their alphabet, are getting very good with numbers 1-10, working on colors and shapes... But I can so see that they are on their way to terrible twos. M, in particular, is so headstrong and demands his way. We've taken to calling him the "gremlin" because of the guttural screech he makes whenever he's told no, isn't allowed to steal his brother's toy, or in any way can't get exactly what he wants when he wants it. He hits, headbutts, glares, screeches, throws himself on the floor and screams, and doesn't really care if you put him in time out. There are times I just want to strangle him. D, on the other hand, is very sweet and will typically "share" with his bossy brother by just handing over whatever toy it is that M wants. But D is also very sensitive. If I tell him I can't read the book he wants me to (because I am cooking, have already read it, or am just so very wiped out that words blur before my eyes) he takes to crying as if I'd broken his heart. I also found a bite mark that was starting to bruise on M's back, so it looks like my little "sweet" boy is getting tired of his overbearing older brother and is starting to fight back... 

I'm tired, all the time. I have a spinal disorder and so had back pain every day before I got pregnant. Now I can hardly move sometimes because it hurts so bad. I'm only really comfortable lying down on my side, but then when I have to move/adjust myself, I have the worst electric pain pain in my crotch. I've just started getting nauseous after everything I eat and drink (even water if I drink too much/too fast). The nausea is accompanied by stomach pain that I can't tell if it's from Pooka stretching or is just my stomach being upset. DH suggested I may have an ulcer, so now I'm stressing about that, not to mention all the little things I want done before the baby gets here.

I just don't think I can make it another 5 and a half weeks. And that's only til my due date. Who knows when this kid is actually coming. I love my children, I'm just so tired and hurting all the time. And I know it will just get worse when the baby is here. I'm kind of wishing I could just skip forward a few months to when a routine has been situated and I feel like I'm living and not just surviving. 

Sorry to be so whiney. I just had to get this out.