Coming to terms with Likely RCS. Support Needed! {long post}

celiacmama

I have been a VBAC board lurker and occasional poster, but here I sit, 40w 4d and with a looming date of Friday for a RCS {originally scheduled as a back up/worse case scenario at 41w}...

I have spent the past few days in tears about it, I had been so enthusiastic about a VBAC and have had a healthy pregnancy. My first c section was at 39 weeks, scheduled, by an OB who said my baby was macrosomic and I likely had CPD. No trial of labor, this was all based on fundal height measurements and late 3rd trimester ultrasounds. So in hindsight, I should have read more, been an advocate for myself, etc. My DS was 8lbs 2oz.

As of my appointment Monday, I was still a fingertip dilated and cervix was long, hard and posterior. I have occasional contractions, never closer than 8 min, and they are apparently not actually doing anything. I had hoped for a membrane sweep on Monday but my cervix was not even reachable.

 I have one more appointment tomorrow, and have tried to remain positive but it's tough at this point! I don't want to look at the RCS as giving up or not trying all options, but I think maybe it's my body just trying to tell me what is right. And the risks of going beyond 41w in hopes of something doesn't seem prudent. I am most concerned about a healthy baby in my arms at the end of this! 

I guess I just am looking for reassurance from those who have gone with subsequent c sections. Sometimes on the VBAC board or elsewhere on the internet {women are so judgmental!!!!} people say to push the envelope, go to 42+ weeks, let your body decide the birthday not an OR schedule. Comments about wet lungs, blood clots, breastfeeding trouble, limiting family size... And I am letting it all get in my head! I need to be at peace with all of this, desperately.

Sorry for the LONG post! Yikes! I just need to vent.