A late intro *Long*

kristak53

I have a mentally/ emotionally/ financially (not physically) abusive ex-bf (father to LO) still living with me who does very little with LO every day unless I am at my breaking point. He has never helped with the bills or contributing any money to support the house since he was to be the stay at home dad after I went back to work. It also doesn't help that I've been unemployed since June of 2012 (right after I broke up with the ex) and I love having this time with my son but no one wants to hire me because I was fired from my last job so I'm tainted goods, but that's a side note right now. BD leaves EVERYTHING up to me to handle: preparing and feeding LO every meal, diaper changes, play time, bath time, bedtime routine, etc. So I am already stretched pretty thin after all of that.

LO is now at the age where he doesn't listen to what Mommy says and even if she explains something over and over again, he still won't listen or comply. I've got plenty of books reassuring me that this is just how the LO's are at this age but it is still very frustrating to say it over and over again and even explain it over and over again so LO understands why Mommy says what Mommy is saying.

In addition, I never taught LO baby signs so he is trying to communicate with whining and screeching and screaming at me so I can help him or play with him or whatever it may be. He still hasn't really said a clear cut first word that he uses over and over again either though I know when he says Buh at the cat (Bubba) that he is saying Bubba. I have Shaun on a regular feeding/snack schedule so that makes things easier to figure out since that's all taken care of.

 So when it comes down to the end of the day, I am out of patience, which I had little of to begin with, and I have no idea what to do to stop myself from getting upset when he constantly whines or doesn't listen to Mommy's requests and explanations.

I'm going to a support group at the local women's center to help me learn to lessen the abusive behaviors I learned from the ex, but I feel like I need the counselors from the support group in the house with me to help me cope or to help me see what I can do to stop overreacting. I am trying my hardest to learn to let things go but I don't know how to do that when I'm left in charge of everything all the time. I am also fearful of when the ex moves out (which I asked him to do before the end of the year) because I'll then be alone with no help when I need it when I reach the end of my rope. My mom is an hour away and my sis is 35 min away with a LO of her own. Most of my friends live 2 plus hours away, across the country or down in So. Cal so my support group is small but luckily there is one around.

I am lost and confused and I can't seem to keep my head above water even though I have to keep swimming because my LO needs me. Anyone have any ideas on how to cope with this? I exercise 6 times a week to help but that only does so much by the end of the day when I exercised at 5am. Maybe I need to journal or just call and chat with a friend a few times a day? I appreciate any ideas and help.