**StarshineR**

mystererae

Just wanted to say I love EVERY line of this -- and in no way am I judging those who don't agree with it but I just totally agree with the sentiment & logic of your post: 

StarshineR:

*ok..rant time* 

"I would hope my kid would finish college, have a career and be older than you are."

And this is why our civilization is in demographic decline (overall - I think the US still struggles to maintain native population replacement).

 I hope my kid will get married *and* gain marketable skills that'll last for the long-term, so that that she *and* he can care for themselves and their offpsring. It has nothing to do with "college" per se, unless college gives a good return for their money and time investment. I don't want my child a slave to university debt, and I don't think it is good character for them to willingly enter debt knowing that they may never pay it off. It is fundamentally dishonest. But, you know, this is why kids were supposed to have summer jobs and why parents were once expected to pay for their child's higher education - so that savings would be accumulated. Massive debt burdens is how families fail, and it's how nations fail. And when people default on their college loans, it'll just increase tuition for everyone else. How is that right? When there's more debt than there is production, you're going to have problems and this is true both on a micro and macro level. You want to have savings in the end, and you don't want to have money gouged out of your paycheque unnecessarily. I know it sounds like I'm going off on a tangent, but I'm not. This is about *priorities*. It always astonishes how few young people are educated in economics (and they should have *some* education in that before they enter college - it's essential). Then, they beeline over to the credit card counter during frosh week eagerly accepting even *more* debt...(and don't tell me it's for emergencies..because it often doesn't work out that way!). 

Having a career is not important. It's only a means to an end. I know of very few people - male or female - who gain their maximum satisfaction out of their "careers". Most of them end up complaining about their job and hoping for the weekend to arrive, some don't even get careers (even the college educated) but float from job to job and never really advance. A "career" so quickly turns into a job whose sole purpose is to pay the bills and make some disposable income for *other* pursuits. 

No, that's not the story for *everybody*. I know of people who really enjoy their careers. They'll complain about long hours (for instance) but then say that they really love what they do. That is more the exception to the rule. Most people work to live; they don't live to work. 

If JE and her boyfriend can support themselves and their kids, then explain what the harm is in what she is doing. About divorce and break-up statistics, you are only a victim of the statistics if either partner isn't really committed in sticking it out, and loving each other by their actions (and not just their words or their feelings). It's more a product of our culture's shockingly low expectations of young people.

There really is something wrong with our culture/society that women are counselled not to procreate until *after* her fertility has begun to decline. It's just not sustainable, especially when so many women wait until their late 20s, early 30s before they even get married. And then they don't want to have kids right away, and it just goes on from there. Family is put second to the vanity of a career, and many women get older and older and realize *too late* that they can't have as many kids as they want (assuming some manage to have even one). Women have a biological clock. Unlike men, we can't wait forever. There is such a thing as opportunity cost, and very very early on women have to decide what is higher priority - a career, or a family. You gotta pick one, and when you pick one, you've gotta be committed 100%, and you have to make sure you pick a spouse who feels exactly the same way. You're allowed to change your mind, but there's much less time to change if you decide for a family than career. The possibility of a career will always be there. A family - no.

And yes, I think JE should be married to her boyfriend and that the prospect of single motherhood for her is very very bad for both her and her child, but that was not my place to say. She's old enough now that she should be able to figure out what kind of father/husband material her boyfriend would be.

And Bliss, kindly, I've *never* entered a party stage. I only started recreational drinking after I met my husband, and I don't drink a lot, and I don't party. I prefer intimate dinner settings and intelligent conversation. Kindly, perhaps you should try not to assume that everyone is just like those Kesha wannabes.

*rant over*