*intro and advice seeking* LONG

Rae1105

Hello all,

 My name is Rachel. A little background  info on me. In the beginning of this year, I lost my fiance and had a miscarriage all in 2 months. I had a rough go this summer, however I managed to make it through with some lingering depression. Well in September I met someone. He immediately rushed things, and because of my vulnerability I allowed that to happen. We basically lived together at his parents from the beginning. At first, everything was ok. Then it started getting to where if I wanted to go see my family I was questioned and guilted and just all around given crap for it. Well after my 23 birthday, I moved in with my best friend and he came along. The weekend we moved in, we got into another huge fight (which happens at least 3 times a week) and I gave in and decided to get over it and ended up getting pregnant that night. The week of Thanksgiving I was considering breaking up with him, Then found out I was pregnant.

 

Essentially, this is what is going on. He has a 16 month old already that he only sees every other weekend. His parents live in a filthy filthy house, his dad is an alcoholic with a mean side, his mom literally does nothing when his daughter is there. The daughter was strictly being cared for by me. No one changed her, they were still feeding her stage 2 foods at 15 months old for crying out loud!! If he leaves he will move back in with them. He is very selfish, goes in between jobs frequently, and if I am not with him and doing something with my best friend/family, he will purposely fight with me all day long just to ensure my focus is on him and I don't have a good time. He wants my sole attention always and will do anything to get it, be it throw a fit or whine or what have you. I am always "over reacting" or "misconstruing" things, but he "loves me more than anything". I tried breaking up with him once before, but he used his daughter and suicidal thoughts to guilt me back. (that's just the tip of the iceberg)

 

Now I know the LOGICAL thing, but these freaking hormones are making me terrified of hurting anyone, him having her/him without me, and what he might do if I leave. My family wants me out of the relationship, I have multiple guy friends saying I wouldn't be alone and they'd love to be there for me, but What would you suggest? Deal with it or walk away now?

 

*sorry its so long! no one even knows I am pregnant yet so I can't talk to anyone*