Boob as pacifier (long)

Kadyra

Let me start by saying i understand sucking is normal and that all pacifiers are modeled after the breast. And that comfort nursing is normal. And that nursing frequency increases during a growth spurt.

 Ds2 is 8 weeks actual and 4 days old adjusted. Born at 32 weeks. He's been an excellent nurser since two weeks of age when I was first allowed to nurse. He was tongue tied, but his frenulum was clipped and we've been awesome since. 

Hes growing like a weed. Over 3lb since birth. He is nursed from about 8am-10pm. He gets three bottles of fortified BM per the neo and pedi from 11pm-5am. I pump 3 times a day to make up for the bottles he gets at night. 

 During the day for about the past 3-4 days, I get maybe two breaks from nursing.  The rest of the time he is actively nursing. I know he's eating because I get that sensation of milk coming out (I feel it when I pump too). He rarely does that fluttery sucking. He will fall asleep in spite of Newman compressions and other stimulations. If I move when he's asleep, he's rooting and nursing again. I can't put him down to eat or pee. He takes a paci but only when it seems convenient for him. Dh can hold him usually without the rooting, but often he just roots and dh hands him back. So I don't get much of a break. 

 I love nursing my son.  But I'd like to enjoy him too. Just look at his sweet face without him searching for the boob. My nipples are getting raw from the nursing. There is nothing wrong with his latch. I've started looking forward to that 11pm bottle so I can have a break. I gave him a bottle today so I could eat lunch-- I even napped with him nursing. I pumped after I ate and changed his diaper and clothes. I picked him up and held him for 30 seconds before he started rooting. I had to put him down. He's now asleep. 

I will stop Breastfeeding if this continues. It is making me not enjoy it or him and is hurting our relationship. When he's awake I feel guilty for just sitting him in his crib and leaving him. But I just can't nurse like that. I'm good at going to the bathroom and eating while nursing, but that's no way to enjoy a baby. 

Oh, and did I mention that I go back to work tomorrow? I am cringing thinking of the constant nursing from 6pm when I get home until 5am when I get up for work. No sleep and a 27 mile commute make me very nervous. I don't think getting him on a schedule is the answer but id like to be able to eat and sleep a little. Or just hold my son.

 I am very sad to write this post. I looked online and all the posts talked about how this was normal and to deal with it. I don't want to merely deal with my son. I love him. He is precious. He's a preemie and I want to nurse him for as long as possible, but I don't see nursing very far in the future if this continues. Advice? I'm crying now. Dh is looking at me weirdly.