Someone tell me I don't suck.

SallySunrise

Ladies, I am not a complainer.  I make a serious effort in all areas of my life to always see the glass as half full.  But I am really, really struggling today.  

I don't know if it's the age, the addition of a baby, or both, but Benjamin has been incredibly unpleasant for the last few months.  He waits until I'm feeding Emily to tell me he has to pee.  I have to put her down and she screams, while he takes as long as he possibly can to get the task done.  He won't stay in his room at naptime or bedtime.  He moves SO slowly when I ask him to hurry.  He whines about EVERYTHING.  He eats just a few bites at meal time and then complains that he's hungry 30 minutes later.  These all seem like little things, but when it's all day long it becomes so overwhelming.  I feel like I spend at least half of my day fighting tears and trying to keep my cool.  I want to yell at him, and though I rarely actually do, just the angry thoughts that run through my head are enough to make me feel terribly guilty.  I spend so much time with my pathetic attempts to discipline him, Emily gets very little.  Ben got soooooo much positive, joy-filled, one-on-one time with me as a baby and now Emily is totally getting the shaft while I angrily deal with Ben.  Neither of them are getting enough of my "good", and I don't know how to fix it.  My H keeps offering that if I'm not happy staying home he's supportive of me doing whatever I need to do... but it's not that I don't want to SAH.  I want to SAH, I just want to feel like I'm doing it "right", and right now, I don't.  I feel like I'm totally sucking at this job that I used to be pretty good at.  How do I get good again?  Or is it all over, now that there are two of them?  Is this just too much for me?  Maybe I'm not as good a mom as I thought.  I know that sounds awfully "woe is me", but that's just how I'm feeling today.  I wish I were better at my job, but right now, I don't know how to get there.  It doesn't feel possible.  The glass does not feel half full.

Someone, anyone, please tell me this will get better.  Tell me I don't suck.  Even if you have to lie, please do.  I just need to hear it and believe it today.