Fragile Day [vent/whine]

Pandril19

Blah.

Having one of those fragile-feeling days today... And just wanted to whine for a moment because you ladies are some of the few to whom I can.

I'm super tired.  LO has been waking back up for MOTN feedings.  And while it's no worse than it was when she was little, I'm so not used to it anymore. I got used to sleeping.  And now I've got to get up at 5am for work.

I feel like I never see E awake anymore.  She's generally so sleepy when I get home and sometimes I can wake her up and get a little time with her, but often she's already down for the night. 

And when I do see her awake, I'm beginning to worry that she doesn't seem as far along developmentally as lots of babies.  And I rationally KNOW that that's not really the case....and that averages are averages and she's healthy and fine, but still I worry that somehow I haven't done enough for her.  She's not rolling other than back to side, HATES tummy time still and won't do a baby push up to save her life, still seems awkward when sitting assisted (still has the head droop), only gives a very very rare giggle, etc.  But she loves to look around, grasps at toys, pulls her own paci out of her mouth and looks at it (then sometimes gets it back in and sometimes discards it), etc...

WHen I'm home and she's asleep I feel like my life is washing bottles, transferring milk around, washing diapers, etc.  And then I just want to curl up in bed.  So I can do it all again.

 I love her, I love being a mom, I'm just fricking tired.

Meh.