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July 2012 Moms
Crazy Mommy [vent]
I thought I was getting the hang of this working mom thing but I feel like I'm slowly starting to just tread water. It's hard. I get really down when MIL says that K was laughing or smiling with her, even though I obviously don't want her to be sad or angry the whole time. I am irrationally annoyed and angry with MIL because she gets to spend the day with her. I feel like I can't tell if K even recognizes or prefers me because she is just a happy baby and smiles at everyone [again, something I should be grateful for but instead I'm selfish].
I'm so tired and feel like I never get a break. There is always something going on, something to remember to do, to clean up, to organize.
Today just sucked because I felt dizzy and had a headache all day. MIL texted me to tell me that K was "swallowing hard and crying" while eating so I was worrying that her reflux was acting up. Why she felt the need to text me, I don't know, because there isn't much I can do about it from work. Then she decides to keep her 2 hours longer than normal instead of bringing her to my friends house because "she [K] doesn't feel well". Long story short, she's fine and happy as can be. Idiot. This is so dumb but K's baptism is Sunday and I'm already getting a annoyed just thinking about MIL trying to hog her and be in her face the whole time because that's what she tends to do at family functions. It's really immature but I find myself yelling, " She's MY baby!!" in my head.
Then I come home and let out the dog, who proceeds to do sprints around the neighborhood instead of listening to me because he thinks its a fun game to play. K was hungry and I could hear her wailing as I'm standing at the front door gritting my teeth and screaming at the dog to get in the house. He's in an indefinite time out in his kennel.
Now that I'm writing it all out, it doesn't seem that bad, but I just started crying while feeding K and she looked at me like I'm crazy. I just felt like venting to those who understand a good Mommy breakdown.
ETA: I forgot to add what kind of started this downward spiral and the working mom being hard thing. There is a position open at work that I want to go for because its a promotion and a move up to clinical management, which is what I want to head towards. It is a crazy amount of work and I just know that I wouldn't be able to commit the amount of time it will take to do the job well. I refuse to work overtime like I used to now that K is here but I feel like that also means I will get nowhere in my career =
I'm so tired and feel like I never get a break. There is always something going on, something to remember to do, to clean up, to organize.
Today just sucked because I felt dizzy and had a headache all day. MIL texted me to tell me that K was "swallowing hard and crying" while eating so I was worrying that her reflux was acting up. Why she felt the need to text me, I don't know, because there isn't much I can do about it from work. Then she decides to keep her 2 hours longer than normal instead of bringing her to my friends house because "she [K] doesn't feel well". Long story short, she's fine and happy as can be. Idiot. This is so dumb but K's baptism is Sunday and I'm already getting a annoyed just thinking about MIL trying to hog her and be in her face the whole time because that's what she tends to do at family functions. It's really immature but I find myself yelling, " She's MY baby!!" in my head.
Then I come home and let out the dog, who proceeds to do sprints around the neighborhood instead of listening to me because he thinks its a fun game to play. K was hungry and I could hear her wailing as I'm standing at the front door gritting my teeth and screaming at the dog to get in the house. He's in an indefinite time out in his kennel.
Now that I'm writing it all out, it doesn't seem that bad, but I just started crying while feeding K and she looked at me like I'm crazy. I just felt like venting to those who understand a good Mommy breakdown.
ETA: I forgot to add what kind of started this downward spiral and the working mom being hard thing. There is a position open at work that I want to go for because its a promotion and a move up to clinical management, which is what I want to head towards. It is a crazy amount of work and I just know that I wouldn't be able to commit the amount of time it will take to do the job well. I refuse to work overtime like I used to now that K is here but I feel like that also means I will get nowhere in my career =
