Dealing with estranged parent during pregnancy

dkaplan76

My wife and I are beginning to think through how and when we tell our parents she is pregnant. We are 5 weeks right now, and are looking at Thanksgiving (week 9) as "the week."

The big issue we're trying to work through - and it's mostly me - is how/when to tell my mom.

I currently have no relationship with my mother - and it's been that way for over a year. The truth is we believe she is bipolar and/or manic-depressive. Over the years (going way back to before I was born according to my dad who divorced her 20 years ago) it's gotten worse and worse. Since I started dating my wife, my mother at one point or another has accused my in-laws of being anti-Semitic, called me some of the most abusive names imaginable, verbally attacked me, my sister, and my father, and most recently called me on the phone to call my wife a liar and a few other names - which led to the cutting off of communications.

She even walked out of my rehearsal dinner when I got married and threatened to not come to the wedding. Cliche, I know.

After cutting off contact I asked her to get help, talk to a professional, anything to which she told me I was full of it, and had a few other choice words.

As you can imagine, this has been difficult for me, but I'm thankful I have such a supportive wife.

Despite all this - I think she deserves to find out my wife is pregnant through a means other then Facebook or word of mouth from my sister. I'm thinking about a letter to her as I think it's more personal then an email. I thought about calling her - but I am allowing myself to be selfish as I don;t want her to have the opportunity to ruin this for me.

Not sure if anyone else has gone through anything similar - but if you have, I'd love to hear what you did and any advice you have.