Anyone else have an unexpected emotional reaction after learning the gender?

Rhea77

I had my A/S on Wednesday and DH was with me. We learned I am expecting twin boys! Although my ideal preference would have been a boy and a girl, I thought I was prepared and equally accepting of any possible outcome. Almost immediately after learning it was two boys, I was overcome with srong unexepected emotions. To the point that I started crying, HARD, right there on the exam table. The ultrasound tech actually asked me if I needed a few minutes alone and I felt embarrassed. DH was totally dazed and confused by my reaction.

 Without going into too much detail about my personal situation, I think two main issues came up in that moment. One was a sense of grief that I will not have a mother-daughter bond with a child. I have a stepdaughter, but we do not get along. She has significant behavioral issues and is extremely challenging to be around. I guess a part of me had been hoping to try again with another girl, to see what it would be like to have a positive experience with a daughter. With four kids between us, we are pretty certain there are no plans for any more in our future.

A second issue that came up is a fear that, as boys, they will become "DH's" kids more than mine. I already struggle with issues with my stepchildren, feeling as though I am responsible for taking care of them but play no real role in influencing their lives or making important parenting decisions. I had been looking forward to having a large role in the twins' lives, but I guess part of me has visions of DH and the boys relegating me to the kitchen while they zone out on XBox for hours on end together (which is what he and my stepson do now). They pretty much take off and do their own thing most of the time, leaving me out of the picture.  DH calls all the shots with his children and, because our bio kids are both boys, I worry he will take them over as HIS more than OURS, and I will feel left out yet again.

At any rate, I think I've processed these emotions/fears for the most part and gotten them out of my system. I'm psyched about having two boys and in a lot of ways I think I am better suited to raise boys than girls anyway (I was a huge tomboy growing up and still get along better with men than women in general anyway). But I was just surprised at my reaction, and of course feeling guilty.

DH didn't help matters any. He made me feel really guilty by telling me it was an "unnatural" response for a woman to have, and that I was "ruining the magic of the moment" for him.

I'm just curious if anyone else had a weird reaction they weren't expecting? It feels kind of taboo to admit that I wasn't immediately overjoyed, but honestly I had to go through some other emotions before the excitement finally took hold. Just curious if anyone sle went through that.