Freaking the $&*@% out

Lilika Flower

Ok. This is going to be a long one but I need help. I am seriously ready to just dig a hole for myself. 

 I found out that I was pregnant sometime in Sept 25th. I was very surprised because I had what I thought was a period (implantation bleeding, apparently) a week ago and really had NO clue why I tested, it was just a feeling. The next day I went to planned parenthood and got a positive test from them too. I've also had a blood test done 10 days ago. I'm saying all of this because I feel bat *** crazy right now. Bear with me, please. To the best of my knowledge I am/was 8 weeks  days along.

 I've had a fair amount of cramping and light spotting. At 6 weeks I had brown spotting and cramping. I called the midwife that I had an appointment at and the she said that unless I filled up a normal pad (not liner) an hour then she doesn't tell people to an ER or rush an appointment. Ok, awesome. This lasted about 2 full days and was gone by the time that I had my appointment with a midwife. She did a blood test but not a sono and everything came up normal.

A few days later I had some more spotting but didn't think anything of it. This happened on an off (spot a few days, none for a few days) for about a week. The blood was either light pink or brown and pretty light in volume.

Well, on Thursday I wasn't spotting and my husband and I had um, enthusiastic sex. Not sure if this has anything to do with this but I'll mention it anyways because I'm freaking out and in my illogical mind thats what caused all this. The next morning I woke up and had pink spotting. Around 10am I stared having bad cramps and dark red blood but it was still only about as much volume to fill a PANTY LINER an hour. This continued at 2pm I had heavy cramps and again at 10:30pm that lasted about 2 hours. It was INCREDIBLY painful and my husband almost took me to the ER but my bleeding/spotting didn't get any heavier so I figured there was no way I was having a miscarriage because I always heard that is A LOT of blood. 

The spotting/bleeding continued until yesterday, so it lasted about 3 days, maybe 4 days... considering that yesterday was VERY light. I didn't even wear a liner and only saw light pink when i peed.

My mom bought me a box of EPT pregnancy tests to calm me down because I was at the point where I wanted to go to the OBGYN even though I don't have insurance yet. I've been having issues with going to JFS to get on Medicaid with being on and off bed rest. Anyways. I took a test and it came up NEGATIVE and I stared freaking out. It wasn't first morning pee but I figured if I am almost 9 weeks along would it even matter?! I drank water and took another one a little over an hour later and it came up NEGATIVE TOO!

I called an OBGYN and an appointment would be around $500 for me to come in and them to run tests and I really don't have that kind of money right now. I'm freaking out. How could I have a miscarriage without GUSHES of blood?! Am I crazy and I was never pregnant? Did I miscarry before and all those positives were residual? I'm so confused and freaking out.