Tough news to swallow

vmihelci

First off, I'd just like to say that my past lifestyle choices have not been the best and I regret them tremendously. Had I intended on getting pregnant and had not been surprised, I would have made different changes. I am a recovering addict who was addicted to narcotic painkillers. I have been in recovery for quite some time but take a medication called subutex (similar to methadone but you can't abuse it) to stave off withdrawals and help with my sobriety. When I became pregnant I was obviously extremely concerned about any damage this medication could cause to my unborn baby. Doctors assured me that studies have not found any risks to the fetus and that it would be more dangerous to stop because my sudden withdrawal symptoms could cause a miscarriage. I had wanted to wean myself off the meds before the 3rd trimester but my OB didn't advise it. I guess I have been in denial because I didn't want to think that this medication could hurt my daughter. I am now 18 weeks and my doctor told me that my daughter will be in the NICU for at least a week after birth. She will likely need morphine to keep her from going through withdrawal and will need to be cared for and observed closely.

I don't know why, but this shocked me. I feel so incredibly guilty that my actions will cause my daughter this pain. I just can't imagine my sweet girl not being able to come home with me. 

I guess I am just looking for support here. Many of my friends and family don't know about this because I am very private about my past. I was also wondering if any of you have experience with this (unlikely) or experience in general with the NICU? I have no idea how this will work and am feeling very blindsided. Thanks for any support you wonderful ladies can offer.