Apparently I need therapy... (long..)

mandiek72512

According to MH and MIL that is. They say that I'm angry and I have some major issues that I need worked out. I've never felt so attacked. The truth is, I am angry. I'm angry that from Day 1 after bringing LO home, I've been told what I'm doing wrong. It started with BF'ing. My MIL and SIL were sitting in my living room telling me over.. and over.. about how I'm "starving him" and I just need to give him a bottle with some "real food". After 2 weeks of hearing that- non stop- I finally gave up. I have to blame myself for allowing them to get to me the way they did, but in my defense, I was still an emotional wreck from giving birth. Plus, a new mom NEVER wants/needs to hear that they are starving their child or that they are always doing things wrong. After that incident, my SIL went to church talking to my sister (and others) about how "unstable" I am. Once I got wind of that, I was even more angry. I knew then that the best thing I needed to do was just.. back away. So I did. I focused solely on my child. Then my MIL just started randomly showing up at my house without calling or even a text. I am just ill. I was trying to get LO to sleep and when I told her that, she just barges in and picks him and starts playing with him. Well, she started playing with him in his crib and I asked her if she would bring him back into the living room because I don't want to associate him crib with play time. My kid- my rules. So she left after that because she didn't like what I said. She text MH and starts ranting about how ill I am and how she never gets alone time with LO. So last night, I went to the neighbors house for about 45 mins to an hour. I come back and went to change LO in his room and noticed blankets and toys in his crib, I ask MH about it and he said "yeah, mom came over and was playing with him in there." I just lost it. That's the whole reason right there as to why I can't stand the woman. I've watched her do the same thing with my SIL's baby. If SIL has a rule she wants followed, MIL WILL break it. Only difference is, SIL doesn't have the guts to stand up to MIL because she practically raises her child. At this point, I feel disrespected by MH and MIL. He knew the rule just as well as she did. His excuse was he forgot and he's sure she did too. After that, things just escalated out of control. I was finally honest with him about his MIL. I've never liked the woman, it's no secret. She's rude, disrespectful and just crazy. But I've tolerated her for 10 years. Well, when she holds LO.. I literally have a full blown panic attack. I can't explain it. I cringe.. and just want to take him back. I know that I've watched her raise all the kids in this family and how every single one of them would rather go to her house than their own house.. I've even heard K (the other grandchild) tell her mama (my SIL) she didn't love her as much as she loves Granna (my MIL). The thought of my son saying that because he can get away with anything and everything at her house... just makes me so upset. So, after yelling and fighting until 1am.. the end result was that I am crazy.. I am angry.. and I need therapy. OH! Let me add this, Friday was my birthday. No one called by MIL but her 1st words were "can I keep LO if ya'll go out tonight.. oh, happy birthday". Anyway, MH didn't even get me anything.. from him or from LO. He told me on the way home from getting take out to "remind him to give me my birthday card"........ I got it the next day. Of course it hurt my feelings, but MH throws in my face "God forbid LO ever not get you something for your birthday, you'll hate him too..."  Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I am bitter and angry. But it sure doesn't seem fair to say everything is my fault and I'm the one needing therapy. I need a permanent vacation......... in South Africa or something.